Hello, I'm still here!
by PurpleJerk
Summary: Seeing them fight and argue is my daily routine. But hear them discuss how strawberry lipgloss with fat cakes tastes? And find them making out on my couch nearly every day? HELLO, I'M STILL HERE!
1. Hello, I'm still here!

A/N: Soooo... My teacher told me to never start a sentence with a "so". Never mind, I was never a big fan of observing the rules anyway. This is my first story and let's say it has some flaws (a looooot of flaws). I have some English issues and- stop complaining and read it!

Disclaimer: I just changed my name to Dan Schneider! Do I own iCarly now? WHAT? NO? Then I want my name and money back!

"Hey guys, I'm-" Oh no, they're making out again. Who? Sam and Freddie. No, they aren't dating, if that's what you want to ask. They made a deal. I don't understand it either. They are not a couple, they just hang out together, make out and help each other! That is NOT couple-like or something, of course. Should I interrupt them? Nah, it won't work anyway. Believe me, I've tried it multiple times, but I always ended up with "Oh Carls, it's not what it looks like!" and "Can we continue what we were doing before you walked on us?" Not that you are kissing in MY appartement on MY couch, kids. I remember the first time it happened.

"_Give me one fat cake, Sam." What? Where did this come from? Did it really say- Freddie? I stared at him in awe and waited what will Sam do to him. Whatever it will be, it won't be pretty. _

"_Do you have a death wish?" Sam asked with a glare. Ugh, I just removed the stains of blood on my couch! _

"_Freddie, I don't wanna sound rude, but shut up, please. I'm not gonna clean the couch again. You know how can Sam be when you try to deprive her of her food."_

"_I'm starving! I told my mom I won't eat anything until she lets me eat whatever I want, but I'm dying of hunger." Aww, poor Freddie. His mom can be very overprotective sometimes. Or all the time. I'm not surprised he doesn't want to be fed with fat-free disgusting food (if we can call it food). _

"_Aww, too bad you'll probably die. Why don't you take something from Carly's fridge?" Oh yeah, Sam. Sure, why can't he empty MY fridge where is MY food? _

"_I can't do it." I always knew Freddie is an educated, polite- "You ate everything!" Oh. _

"_I'm not giving you my fat cake, Fredweird." Sam took the last fat cake and waved it in front of Freddie's face. Freddie fixed his eyes on it for a moment and then he stole it from her. Sam's eyes widened, the look of shock was clearly visible on her face. "GIVE. ME. MY. FAT CAKE!" A smirk plastered on Freddie's face disappeared right at the moment when Sam jumped on him. It wasn't a pretty sight. She knocked him to the ground and fought with him for a while. Freddie should know that this fight is totally pointless. Momma plays for win. After few minutes, Sam got up with the fat cake in her hand, screaming, "DON'T MESS WITH MOMMA!"_

"_Jeez, that wasn't necessary, Sam," scowled Freddie. "We could just share it!" I couldn't help but laugh. Did Freddie seriously think Sam would share a food with him? This kid can be really dumb sometimes. _

"_Yeah, you're right, Benson." Freddie's jaw fell. My jaw didn't move, I think I passed out or fell into a coma. Did Sam just offer Freddie a bit of her fat cake? Oh. My. God. It felt like eternity before Sam spoke. _

"_What?" She kept her poker face for a moment and then (finally!) burst out laughing. "You should see your faces!" I relaxed, but Freddie seemed to be still in shock. Shock transformed into disappointment and disappointment into anger. _

"_Sam," his voice was shaking and I could tell he's serious now. "Give me one half of the freakin' fat cake."_

_Sam pretended to consider it. I think you know how she decided. She showed the whole fat cake into her mouth. "That's it! It's on!" Before I realized something was happening, Freddie lied on top of Sam. Here we go again. Sam kicked him in places that should never be kicked. Ow, I don't think we'll be able to see little Freddies in a future. And- ow. No, you don't want to know where she kicked him now. Ah, is it a blood? Yes! It is a blood! No way I will mop the floor again! Look at me, I'm turning into Lewbert. _

"_Guys, you should stop-"_

"_Carl-ay!" _

"_Not now, Spencer!" Sam and Freddie's fight was too intense, I couldn't leave! Sure, Sam took the lead, but Freddie was responsing very well. He got stronger over these years. He's still not strong enough to beat Sam, but it's enough to stay alive. Sam still had the fat cake in her mouth, I was afraid she could suffocate. _

"_Carl-aaaay!" Spencer came running to the living room. "Carly!" He yell-whispered breathless. _

"_What Spencer?" I asked harshly and looked at him with the most angry expression I was able to make. _

"_My new gold fish Brock-"_

"_You mean Tommie," I corrected him. Ah, Spencer and his goldfishes. None of them survived more than 2 days. Spencer couldn't take care of himself, let alone about someone else. I'm lucky to be capable of take care about myself. Otherwise I would be flushed in a toilet by now. _

"_Yep, Tommie. He died and- ?"_

"_What are you talking about?" I turn around to see... Sam and Freddie making out in my kitchen! My eyes widened and I started to inhale deeply. You don't beat the living chiz outta someone and then attack his face! That's not what enemies usually do! "Sam! Freddie!" I expected them to stop sucking each other faces and explain this weird situation, but they just kept kissing. No need to eat each other's head, kids! They were still lying on the floor, Sam's arms wrapped around Freddie's neck, Freddie's arms placed somewhere between Sam's waist and hips. I saw Freddie's head bleeding, but he obviously didn't care. _

"_Don't they need to breathe?" Spencer chuckled._

"_That's not funny, Spence! Tell them something!"_

"_Actually, it IS very funny. C'mon, it's entertaining!" I raised my eyebrows. Really, Spencer? Really? Not that it sounded kind of perverted, bro. "I mean, they're Sam and Freddie, I never expected them to be together! Aren't they an adorable couple?" _

"_They're not a couple! And even if they were, exchanging saliva on my floor is not adorable." I waited... and waited... "Hello, I'm still here!" Finally, Freddie pulled away. Cocky smile spread across his face. Sam punched him in the guts. What else did you expect? That she'll kiss him softly and blush? Ha, how naïve you are. Sam Puckett never blushes. Except of... now. _

"_What was that for?" Freddie yelled, he obviously wasn't in pain though. _

"_Why did you attack my face like that?" Okay, so far we know that Freddie initiated the kiss. _

"_I wanted your fat cake." Freddie smiled widely again. Eww, that's disgusting. He ate the fat cake right from Sam's mouth? Did he think about Sam's saliva? And did I mention that Sam had that fat cake in her mouth? She probably has chewed it before he ate it! How revolting is that? I think I'm gonna puke. My face got a green shade. _

"_You have put your tongue down my throat 'cause you wanted a fat cake?" Sam's voice was filled with disappointment. Wait, disappointment? The world is gonna end soon. _

"_You refused to give me a food. So I took it myself." _

"_And how was it?" Sam uttered in a flirty voice. Wait- what? _

"_WHAT?" I, Freddie and Spencer screamed in disbelief. _

"_How was it? The fat cake." Every hint of arrogance in Freddie's face has disappeared. He seemed scared and nervous like usual. Thank God. _

"_Hmm, uh, good, I guess." He grinned and added, "actually, it was delicious. Strawberry lipgloss and fat cake are great combination." _

"_Glad you liked it 'cause you won't be able to taste it ever again." Her voice was filled with venom, but her face looked amused. I took a quick glance on Spencer who was grinning like an idiot. What is going on with people those days? _

_Freddie rolled his eyes and smiled. His chocolate brown eyes were full of amusement, joy and love. Lo- love? Sure, Freddie loves Sam as a friend. That's it, of course. Naturally. Yeah. I'm sure. Shoosh yeah. Huh... Yeah. _

_Why did Sam's eyes look the same then? The little spark in her piercing blue eyes was clearly visible. That's my look when I'm crushing on someone. Holy cheeseball! Sam and Freddie are crushing on each other? I must help them! They're my best friends and I want them to be happy. I shouldn't meddle- oh, what am I saying, they won't realize if I don't push them a little. Just a little push. My thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud. Freddie was lying on MY couch with Sam on top of him. She was punching him repeatedly in a stomach. I didn't hear moaning. I didn't hear cries of pain. I didn't hear a thing except of laughter. Freddie's laughter and Sam's frustrated muttering._

They didn't tell me if they agreed on not telling anyone. They didn't mention it ever again anyway. It was like a non-pronounced agreement and I keep it, too. I don't want to end up as a Frothy's snack. I guess they want to keep it a secret as long as they don't start dating. So I guess I'll take this secret to my grave. I've tried so hard to hook them up! However, they're too stubborn to admit they like each other. Why have my friends to be so dumb?


	2. Not a couple, got it

A/N: Hey there! Thanks for your reviews, guys, I really appreciate it. I decided to not wait forever and post a new chapter. Happy? No? Go away! It might seem there is no story-line, but I assure you it has a reason. Just hold on and enjoy Seddie making out.

Disclaimer: "I'm glad you're asking 'cause I own iCarly now. Here's the proof." "Dude, that's a handbill with a 20% discount for a cake!" "Oh, then I don't own iCarly. And give me my handbill!"

Do you know what Sam and Freddie do now? I don't have idea, but they're not making out nor fighting! Isn't it exciting? They seem to have some kind of staring contest. I don't care as long as they're not violating my couch. I had told Spencer I wanted to name it. He gave me a weird look and said that he won't name a thing which is not his. I tried to convince him it is still our couch and he just snorted and yelled, "not anymore!" At first, I didn't know what is he talking about. It was our couch, for Fudge's sake! I took a quick glance on it and... Sam and Freddie were sleeping there. It wasn't one of those sweet scenes from romantic comedies where a girl rests her head on a boy's shoulder. They weren't cuddling either. Sam seemed to strangle Freddie and he had his arms wrapped around her in an odd way with his fists clenched. Definitely not couple-like. Did I mention they still aren't together? I suggested it one day when they were again "accidentally" kissing. Man, I shouldn't do that. (Don't worry, I won't try it anymore.)

"_Why are you so annoying?" _

"_Why you so stoopiiiid?"_

"_Nyeeeeh!"_

"_Nyeeeeh!" We were sitting on my couch, I was in the middle until I decided to go to the kitchen do- whatever I could do just to be far away from them for a minute. We were supposed to have movie night tonight and it was my turn to choose a movie. I picked Twilight. What? It's a good romantic horror! Well, Sam and Freddie didn't seem to like it as much as I do. Sam decided to annoy Freddie "'cause she was excessively boooored, dude". I tried to stop them, but you probably know that the only time I succeeded was when- I never succeeded. I knew I lost the battle before it started. _

_I took out a Wahoo Punch from the fridge and checked if there are some more. Oh man, just one. Should I ask them if they want something to drink? Nah._

"_Carls! Gimme a drink!" Oh man, I'm screwed up._

"_Yeah, Carly. Could you give me something to drink, too?" I knew it. I took the two Wahoo Punches and handed its to Sam and Freddie. It was easier to give them MY drinks from MY fridge and don't protest. _

"_These are the last drinks?" Freddie asked. Aww, it's so sweet how he cares! He's like my brother I never had. Spencer? What's up with Spencer? Oh, I totally forgot about him. Where is he, by the way?_

"_Yep." _

"_Oh, sorry, Carls. It's all yours." He gave it back to me. Am I dreaming? I can eat MY food and drink MY punch? Wow! I don't wanna wake up. _

"_Thank you, Freddie. That's nice." He just smiled and nodded. Sam opened her punch and took a sip. _

"_Yuck! It's diet?" _

"_Yeah..." I should see that coming. _

"_Sam! I could have it! Now there's your saliva all over it!" Freddie yelled. _

"_You know you don't care to have my saliva in your mouth." Sam's expression looked annoyed, but I could see a little hint of smirk on her face. _

"_Eww! Gross, Sam!" A grin, Freddie, really? Are you kidding me? When you talk about something disgusting, you don't have a grin plastered on your face! _

"_Do you wanna say I'm gross, Benson?" Uh-oh, it wasn't fun anymore. Sam was offended, I could see it in her eyes. _

"_You were the one who said it." Freddie raised an eyebrow. Oh no, we're taking a train to Fight town. I wasn't surprised when I saw Sam's fist approach Freddie's face. I closed my eyes, I sure as heck didn't want to see it. To my surprise, I didn't hear any "Ow!" or "What was that for?" I slowly opened my eyes and saw Freddie smirking, holding both Sam's wrists. This boy doesn't like his life very much, does he? _

"_Let. Me. Go. Or I will make you." _

"_How, Samantha?" _

"_What did you say?" _

"_What do you mean, Sammy?" he said in a mocking voice._

"_I mean THIS!" She kicked his shin. He was so gonna get it! I mean, Samantha? Sammy? He should see that coming. No one calls Sam this and ends up without serious injuries. He should know better than anyone on this planet. _

_Spencer came from his bedroom singing Firework by Katy Perry and holding a little monkey with polka-dot hat. Don't ask. Suddenly, he stopped singing and casually asked, "Why are they fighting this time?" _

"_It started with a Wahoo Punch and ended with a discussion about Sam being gross." _

"_Oh, never tell Sam she's gross." _

"_I didn't tell her she's gross!" Yay! Freddie returned from his and Sam'sworld! Sam took advantage of Freddie's lack of concentration and punched him in a stomach. "Ow! Stop it!" _

"_Why is she killing you then?" Spencer asked with a disinterested face while handing a banana to his monkey. How did he call it? I think it's name is Shaggy. Yeah, Shaggy. I'm not sure where did he got it, but he had said something about Socko's cousin Leo being a zookeeper..._

"_I thought you know her better. She always-" Punch. "Finds a reason-" Kick. "To hurt-" Punch. OW! Me." Kick. Hard kick. _

"_Oh. Have fun, but not too much fun." Spencer shrugged and sat down on a chair in our kitchen. Sometimes I wonder if he's aware of those three teenagers in his apartment. Yeah, the ones whose are trying to kill each other and the other one who doesn't try to stop them anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love those two monsters on my couch that practically live with me, it's just... I don't know, I feel ignored every now and then. It's like being a steak while they're a fried chicken. You're still kind of meat, but fried chicken will always get along better with each other than with you. You're just a steak. _

"_Sam, seriously, stop it!" _

"_No one will say to momma she's gross and stay alive!"_

"_I didn't say that!"_

"_But you meant it." She had stopped for a second and then continued to beat him up. _

"_Geez, Sam. What do you wanna hear?"_

"_The truth!" She seemed to be angrier than before. She seemed almost... No, that couldn't be. Is she- hurt? No, no, no. Sam doesn't get hurt. She doesn't care about what the others think about her. Primarily not Freddie. _

"_Oh-kay! You're the hottest, prettiest, most breath-taking girl I've ever seen!" Sam stopped. I smirked. Spencer got up from his chair and started to listen. Nice, Spencer. Now when they need privacy, you randomly show up and lamely watch them! Oh wait, it's our apartment. And I'm still here, too. Never mind._

"_What did you just say?" Sam asked with a blank expression. I couldn't unravel how was she feeling. She didn't smile, she didn't cry and she didn't (which was the most likely option) beat the living crap outta him. She just lied on him without moving. And then it happened. Freddie cracked up. HE WAS LAUGHING! We should start arrange a funeral. Sam tensed and I would swear she was going to cry. But she didn't. She punched Freddie again. And again. And- you know where I'm heading with this. She couldn't stop him, he was laughing like a maniac. So she decided to kiss him. Yeah, you heard me. "That's it!" She planted a small kiss on his lips, but it was enough to make him stop laugh. _

"_If I'm gonna laugh, will you kiss me again?" _

"_Try me." Freddie smirked and pressed his lips against Sam's. The kiss was really intense. I could see the smile on Freddie's lips while he was playing with her curls. She grabbed a handful of his hair and he moaned in pleasure. What? I'm not a stalker! _

"_You guys are the cutest couple ever!" Spencer cooed. Sam immediately pulled away and shot him a death glare. Should I just shut up and let Spencer die or say them the truth? Why am I such a great sister? _

"_Spencer is right. I know you aren't a couple yet, but if you didn't notice, making out and hanging out are what couples do."_

"_Carly, don't." Freddie gave me a panicked look. I wasn't sure why, though. It's not like Sam was going to hurt him- oh, she did. When she stood up, she "unintentionally" kneeled on Freddie's lap – the area where it hurts. A lot. Freddie bit his bottom lip and shut his eyes. Ow. Sam put on her innocent look and smiled faintly._

"_Well, that's not what couples do, right?" _

And that's all for my attempt to make them admit they like each other. As much as I want them to be together, I don't plan on destroying Freddie's dreams about having a big house with large garden, beautiful nice wife, two KIDS and a dog. I point out the word "kids".

Oh, the staring contest ended and Sam seems to be furious. I'm sitting between them! No, don't hit him Sam! Ow! "Hello, I'm still here!"


	3. Empty couch

**A/N: Hey, little cabbages! Next chapter of your not-cheesy, not-sappy, not-mushy fanfic is here! Yaaaay! (Try to pretend you're excited or my buttersock will make a pattern on your face - it won't be pretty.) Shut up and read! (Yeah, I'm mean today. Deal with it!)**

**Disclaimer: "Dan, give me iCarly!" "I won't give you my iCarly!" "Gimme iCarly!" "No!" "Gimme!" "SECURITY!" And that's pretty much everything for my attempt to get iCarly. **

Sam and Freddie aren't here now. Weird, right? My couch is so empty. You go to the bathroom and expect to hear "Sam! SAM! Put me down!" or "Do you wanna die, Benson?" But you hear nothing. None screaming with pain, none crying for help. It feels odd to be here alone.

"Hey kiddo!" Spencer shouts with plastic bags in his arms. "Where are Sam and Freddie? Did they decide to visit their mothers?"

"I don't know, maybe they're 'hanging out' again." Spencer put down the bags and sat down on the couch.

"Yeah, to be honest, I don't care! They're gone! Remember the first time it happened?"

"What happened?"

"The first time you woke up and Sam and Freddie weren't here." Oh yeah, sure. I will never forget it.

"_Waaaake up, Caaaarly!" What time is it? I checked my alarm clock. 9:14 A.M. I'm late! Oh wait, it's Saturday. Why Sam didn't woke me up to cook her a bacon? "Caaaaarly!" This is not Sam's voice. _

"_Coming, Spencer!" I brushed my teeth and hair. No need to change my clothes, I'll do it later. _

"_Caaarl-aaaay!" Ugh, what's up? Is our house on fire? Oh my god! Spencer put something on fire! AGAIN! I walked down the stairs and ran to the living room. I took a extinguisher and looked around to find a fire. _

"_Where is it?" _

"_Sam is not IT, Carly!" _

"_What?" _

"_Sam is not here!" Eh? I started to hyperventilate and panicked. She's always here in the morning! Besides, she told me she'll sleep over. We should call a police. Or- or- Aaah! I think I'm having a spaz-attack. _

"_Wha- what about Freddie?" I stammered and dropped the extinguisher.  
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"_Do you think she murdered him and now she's trying to hide his body?" _

"_No, I-" I thought for a moment. "No! She wouldn't! Would she? No!" Spencer is really paranoid sometimes. Sam would never kill Freddie. They're kind of couple now! She needs him for paying her food and making out with him. Right?_

"_I'll call the cops." _

"_No, hold on! Maybe Freddie knows where she is. I'm gonna go to his apartment now, okay?" I ran across the hall, worried as never before. I knocked at the door. Once, twice, three times... No response. I dashed into his living room just to see Sam AND Freddie sitting on Benson's couch. There would be nothing wrong about it if they had their shirts on and weren't sucking each other's faces. _

"_Put your shirt on and explain me what are you doing, young lady!" Sam looked up at me, shrugged and rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that attitude!" _

"_Okay, mother," Sam snapped. Freddie rolled his eyes and smirked, but put his shirt on like a good boy he was. Sam decided to stay in her bra and crossed her arms across her chest. This girl can be so frustrating sometimes. _

"_What were you doing? I was worried sick and you're doing-" I made a kissing face, "with your boy- chiz, he even isn't your boyfriend! You weren't gonna have- eww! You were gonna have- oh my gosh!"_

"_Geez, Carls, calm down! We weren't gonna have sex!" I shuddered at the thought. "I ripped his shirt while we were wrestling." Okay, that sounds plausible._

"_And what about your shirt?" I tried to look threatening, but failed miserably._

"_The nub spit out a drink all over me." We all know Sam is the world's best liar. Why should I believe her? I took a glance on Freddie. He didn't seem to be nervous. _

"_Is it true, Freddie?"_

"_Of course, Carly. Do you think I'd like to see Sam half-naked or something?" Bad move, Fredward. Bad move. Do I want to see them fight and kiss passionately again? Nah. However, I'm an awesome friend. I should ask him what color of coffin he wants before I leave. _

"_I know you like what you see, Frednerd," Sam whispered seductively. Gross. _

"_Put your shirt on, Sam. It's certainly dry now." If Freddie wanted to look authoritatively, it didn't work. _

"_Don't tell me what to do, dweeb." La la la la la la, yeah, act like if I wasn't here. Sam took her shirt and threw it on Freddie. He caught it and tossed it away. You can actually feel the fight coming. _

"_Don't hurt my shirt, Fredidiot!" _

"_Clothes can't feel anything!" _

"_But you can." _

"_Yeah, lucky me." His voice was filled with sarcasm, however, he smiled and wrapped his arms around her. She placed her arms on his chest and stared into his eyes. Normal person would say they're going to kiss, but I knew them better. They're not a lovey-dovey couple who wants to spend every minute together, hold hands and stare into each other's eyes before kissing. Pssh, Sam and Freddie don't do things like that. Why are they leaning? Why is Sam giggling? Why are Sam's lips pressed against Freddie's? Oh wait, they're kissing. Kissing? _

_They were on a couch again, using their tongues as a weapons. Do they have to battle even during kissing? What kind of question is that, sure they have to. Freddie's hand is placed in a dangerous area. I shouldn't be here. But hey, they shouldn't kiss like that in front of me! They know I'm here! Or do they? And how much times did I use the word "kiss" or "kissing" today? _

_Freddie let go of Sam's hand and used it to undo her bra. Holy chiz! Leave, leave! My eyes widened and my heartbeat was hundred times faster than usual. _

"_Guys?" I whispered still in shock, unable to move. Sam and Freddie pulled away and burst out laughing. Haha, funny. Sam did her bra again (thanks God!) and continued laughing. "What was that for? I almost passed out!" _

"_For interrupting us," Freddie said with an evil grin. I swear, this boy is turning into male version of Sam. I expect him to start to wear black ripped skinny jeans and leather jacket, beat little nerds and retort his mother. He could be kind of hot... Geez, don't hit me, just kidding! I sighed._

"_Be home before dinner, okay?" _

"_I'll be there in five, I don't wanna spend more time with the Queen of Dorks." _

"_Hey!" Freddie winced. _

"_Don't 'hey' me, Fredward."_

"_Can't you just stop insult me?" _

"_Yeah sure, and then I'll fly with a coakroaches and show you my purple flying pony!" _

"_Oh, you have a purple flying pony? How cute! Show me!" _

"_Don't try to be sarcastic, you suck at it." No, he doesn't! Actually, it was pretty good comeback. _

"_If it annoys you, I'll-" I didn't bother to tell them I'm leaving, they wouldn't listen anyway. I assured Spencer they're okay and they might not come for a while. ("I will have to talk with them about birds and bees.") Being alone for a moment wasn't that bad. I could hear my own thoughts, eat my food, sit on my couch and much more! Isn't it exciting?_

"Hello, I'm still here!" What's that? Oh, it's Spencer's hand waving in front of my face.

"Oh, sorry, Spence, I zoned out."

"More like passed out, you didn't move a muscle in," he looked at his watch, "twenty three minutes and twelve seconds."

I groan, "Sam and Freddie are driving me crazy."

"We should do something."

"No, thanks. I like living."

**A/N: Hehe, two author's notes. I had to do it. I wanna thank to all my reviewers! You guys rock! Also thanks for all 'favorites' and 'alerts' :) Now that you read it, get up your lazy butts and get a life! (No worries, I'm not planing on getting one either.)**


	4. Cheating ain't always bad

**A/N: Hello, my dear reviewers! I just wanna say it's possible that I won't update for a few days. I'm changing residence now and it's kinda hard to find a time to write and respond to all PMs. Sorry, guys. **

**Disclaimer: "Welcome in Schneider's Bakery, what do you wish?" "I'll have a chocolate cake and iCarly." "Okay, chocolate cake and- nice try, but you won't get iCarly. Never!"**

Ah, do we have to talk about it? This night was horrible! Horrible! My date turned out to be a total jerk. Or maybe it was my fault. It's Valentine's day and we had a school dance, as every year. Plenty of guys asked me to go with them, but they were- uh, they weren't- they were losers, to be honest. I asked Brad to go with me and do you know what he said? "Thanks Carly, I appreciate your offer, but I can't accept it." I mean, what the fudge? I was furious. Carly goody two-shoes never beats up someone, though, so I replied with simple, "oh, okay." Later I learned that he has a girlfriend and went with her. It doesn't change the fact he rejected me without giving me an explanation, though! No one rejects Carly Shay! I ended up going with that senior, Joe. He's kind of cute – and ladies man. I went to the bathroom. When I returned, he was kissing some random girl! II wanted to go home, nevertheless I couldn't. Sam and Freddie were enjoying themselves, thus Freddie refused to drive me home. Well, Sam didn't let Freddie to drive me home. No, they didn't go together, of course. They were about to go together, but they (and as 'they', I mean Freddie) decided it was too couple-like afterwards. You wanna hear the story? I know you do.

"_Brad rejected me! Can you believe it? He rejected me!" I whisper-yelled and still tried to figure out why it bugs me so much. _

"_I can't do anything for you, I would kill him, but he's our intern and most importantly, he makes the best fudge ever!" Sam said dreamily. I couldn't believe that food is more important than me to Sam. Who am I kidding, I always knew that food takes the first place in Sam's life. _

"_What am I going to do, Sam? I thought I'm going with Brad and we all will be together!" _

"_Carls, you were asked out by nine hundred saddos, can't you just pick one of them?" Of course she doesn't care, she's going with Freddie! _

"_No! That's the problem, they're 'saddos'," I rolled my eyes and put on my disgusted look. _

"_You're such a picky dummy, Carly. You can have any boy in our school! Just aaask!" _

"_Did you just call me a dummy?" Sam gave out a frustrated moan. She probably decided to give in and let me talk about Brad being a jerk. _

"_Hola amigas! Or amiga and Sam," Freddie announced his arrival._

"_Fredwina," Sam nodded. They got used to these insults and nicknames throughout the years, they're not offended anymore. They found a new ways how to annoy each other. I'm not sure if I liked them more back then, when Sam had broke Freddie's ribs whenever he tried to call her 'demon' or 'princess' or now. What kind of offensive nickname is Princess Puckett anyway? _

"_I heard that Brad dumped you." Oh thanks, Freddie. That makes me feel way better. _

"_Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me." _

"_Sorry." Freddie sat on the couch right beside me. "He must be really dumb. Who wouldn't like to go with you to a dance?" He patted my back. He has his moments. I smiled and hugged him. It wasn't a hug you give your friend or someone you like. That was the hug you give your brother or sister. It shows how much you love them, but it's different kind of love._

"_Thank you, Freddie." I remember how weird it was when I dated him. Don't get me wrong, I loved him and I still do, but not in 'that' way. How I said, we're more like siblings. _

"_Gross. How can you hug the nub and not puke?" Sam asked with mouth full of bacon. Or ham. Or fried chicken. Whatever she was eating. _

"_Sam," I reproved her. "You will have to touch him when you'll slow dance with him!" One corner of my mouth went upwards. _

"_I'm not slow dancing with a girl! That's awkward, Carly!" _

"_You're going with him to the school dance, remember?" Sam had opened her mouth to talk, but Freddie interrupted her. _

"_We're not going together." What? Why? I took a glance on Sam. She seemed even more shocked than me. _

"_Why? I thought you asked Sam yet!" Sam mumbled something I didn't hear. I would swear she said, "As if!" but I wasn't sure. _

"_I'm not going anywhere with the demon! And anyways, what would people think if we went together? They might assume we're a couple or something gross like that! I asked Madisen." _

"_What?" Sam was furious, I could tell. She didn't show it, but the look in her eyes betrayed her. Freddie put on his smug smirk and raised an eyebrow. Typical 'Freddie look'. _

"_Icky Madisen from Biology class?" I asked, clearly shocked and grossed out. _

"_Oh no!" Freddie made a grimace. "Hot Madisen from Chemistry!" _

"_No chiz! And she didn't reject you?" Sam asked with an amused expression. It was supposed to look like an amused expression. I didn't buy it. She was hurt, I'm not dumb. _

"_She giggled and kissed me, if that's what you wanna know." Freddie's cocky face was pissing Sam off. Or maybe it was the fact that MADISEN KISSED FREDDIE! "On my cheek, of course, it's too soon for a lip-lock action." _

_Do I have to say it? Kick, kick. Punch. Insult. Kick. Broken thumb. Ow. Insult. Hospital. _

_The night I've been waiting for was here. Well, to be honest, I didn't want to go anywhere. Joe was cute, but I knew something will happen. Like always. Sam and Freddie can't be at the same room without arguing or smooching more than thirty seconds, much less the whole night. Sam agreed to go with one of the football players, Ricky. Let's say he was hot and- hot. I bet Sam just wanted to make Freddie jealous. _

_We were supposed to meet at eight in my apartment. Ricky, Madisen and Joe were in the living room yet, while I and Sam were still doing our make-up and hair. Sam did her best to look even more beautiful than usual. She succeeded. I don't understand how her hair can look so gorgeous after one minute of arrangement and mine looks like a total mess no matter how long I take to smarten it up. _

_When we descended the stairs, Freddie was already there. I expected him to be cooing with Madisen, but he watched us walk down. Madisen and Ricky were sitting on my couch, flirting. Nice. Very nice. Freddie didn't seem to mind, he was in his own world. With Sam, unicorns, magic rainbow and extinguishers (just in case if Spencer came and set it on fire). _

"_You look wonderful," Joe whispered to my ear. I didn't notice him before, I guess I was too busy watching love-stricken Freddie. _

"_Thank you," I flashed him the most dazzling smile I could. Freddie whispered something to Sam and grabbed her waist. She responded with a glare and knocked him to the floor. How cute! Note the sarcasm. Did she notice he has still a broken thumb? Because I think she just tried to break it again. Is it even possible? Not that it matters. _

_Party went great, everything was perfect! Haha, like if you would believe me. I was dancing with Joe when I saw it. Ricky and Madisen were sucking each other's faces!_

"_Excuse me for a second," I rushed to find Sam. When I saw the glimpse of her blond curls, I took her to the bathroom harshly. I even didn't notice what was she doing._

"_What's wrong, Carly?" _

"_Ricky and Madisen are making out!" I yelled._

"_Okay. Excuse me, I'm a little busy now." Then she walked away. WALKED AWAY! What was that? She doesn't care! I guess I'll have to tell Freddie. _

_I made a big effort to find him, really. But the only thing I found was Joe snogging with some girl I didn't know. I should be angry, I couldn't, though. I went with him just because... I don't even know! See how horrible date I had to be? I don't blame him for cheating on me! _

_Sam and Freddie! I ran towards them before I realized it's totally pointless. They were arguing and they were in the phase which leads to kissing. I watched them wrestle, Sam hitting Freddie repeatedly and Freddie pinning Sam to the wall. I took note of Freddie's greedy look and Sam's moisturized lips. Yeah, she definitely licked them. I just wanted to go home. I couldn't interrupt them now, they would probably hate me or don't listen. I decided to wait three, four... Maybe five. They didn't kiss, though. They never kissed on public 'cause they "hate each other" and it would confuse everyone. _

"_Freddie, could you drive me home, please?" _

"_Now?" Freddie whined._

"_Please, Freddie, I don't wanna be here."_

"_What happened?" Freddie finally showed some concern. Thank you! _

"_I-"_

"_Hello, I'm still here! Sorry, Carlee, we have stuff to do," Sam retorted unmercifully. She grabbed Freddie's wrist and guided him somewhere. I just hope they weren't gonna have- ugh, never mind. _

I called Spencer to pick me up because I couldn't find the non-couple anywhere. I'm not sure if I wanted to find them. What if they were- I should ask Spencer if he talked with Sam and Freddie about "birds and bees" yet. Now.

**A/N: I also wanna give a huge shout out to Purple xx who gave me my first review EVER and... she's just amazing, check her stories :)**


	5. Now I have had enough!

**A/N: Hi-ya! How cool would be become an invisible ninja? Okay, okay. New chapter is here. It's a little more 'dramatic' than you're used to, but I had to add this chapter. The previous four chapters were about Seddie and Carly, not about the whole trio. And their friendship is really important for me, so here we go. **

**Disclaimer: "50 bucks." "No." "60 bucks." "No!" "100 bucks, but that's the final offer." "iCarly is not for sale!" "Okay, so I don't own iCarly, kids."**

Should I knock? What kind of question is that, this is my apartment! But I should knock, though. What if they're making out again? This is not my apartment anymore. It's OURS. Everything there is ours. My- I mean, our apartment, our fridge filled with our food, our kitchen where we eat everyday... and the most important thing, our couch. I finally named it! Sam thought it's lame to name a couch, Freddie demanded a privilege to help me pick it. We're not weirdos! I just like to name my furniture and electronics, okay? Now when I think about it... no, still not weird. We named it Jade. Freddie picked that name, he said that's how Sam will name her daughter once. Don't ask me how he knows, I don't know myself.

Getting kind of off-topic here, don't we? What did I want to say? Oh, if I should knock. I wouldn't be thinking about it if Spencer didn't tell me yesterday, "Carly, you should knock when you enter their- I mean our apartment! Respect their privacy!" You must hear this story.

"_We're gonna go home after school," Freddie announced. Funny how he calls my apartment a 'home'. "We should think up of something new for iCarly. Apparently, improvising isn't your long suit." He chuckled. _

"_Seeing you black and blue is fun, deal with it! iCarly fans looove when I'm beating the crap outta you!" Sam snorted. Last iCarly wasn't our best, to be honest. We decided to improvise and Sam came up with "Beat the Nub" idea during filming. It was hilarious segment, maybe just a little too real. She attacked him without any warning. He even didn't try to fight back. That's the power of love._

"_I think you looove something else, also associated with me." _

"_Your dorkiness? Nah. Your little brain? Nah. Your strength?" She punched him and he winced in pain. "Naaaah."_

"_Okay, I think I deserved this," Freddie said as he patted his shoulder. _

"_Duh." And then there was silence. Yeah, silence! I know, it sounds almost impossible. They weren't making out, they weren't arguing, they weren't playing with flies in diapers. They just smiled and looked at me. _

"_We're heading to our class, see ya later, Carls!" Sam took Freddie's hand (oh my holy purple cow!) and dragged him to the class. _

_After class, I tried to find the love birds whose I call my best friends. Are they couple yet? Let me laugh for a second. Or ten. If you didn't catch my sarcasm, no, they're not a couple. I didn't find them, so I concluded that they're already in Bushwell. Gibby's mom drove me home and I thanked her. I opened door to my apartment and-_

"_Oh my gosh, guys! Stop it!" I screamed in frustration. I couldn't believe they did a runner just to smooch in my apartment! They immediately pulled apart. _

"_Hey kiddo," Spencer waved nonchalantly. "What's the matter with you?" _

"_Oh, everything is fine," I fake smiled, "You know, not that my friends are cutting and running from me just to make out on my couch! Now I have had enough! ENOUGH! I was your friend once, you know!" I inhaled deeply and tried to calm down. Breath in, breath out. _

"_Carly," Sam patted my back, "We didn't want to make you feel-"_

"_Cut it, Puckett!" I shouted like a crazy. "I don't wanna hear your lame excuses! Just pretend I don't exist like before!"_

"_Carly," Freddie stood up, wearing his apologetic expression. He grabbed Sam's waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Look, we just-" Sam kicked him._

"_Don't touch me, dipthong!" _

"_I just-" Freddie tried again._

"_Leave me alone, Freddie," I whispered. Freddie and Sam stood there, speechless. I didn't want them to talk to me, my head would probably explode. I didn't feel like a third wheel, left out or jealous, I felt betrayed. When they want to be alone, they can just tell me. A few simple words. Not make up excuses or run away. _

_Freddie stood next to me. He cupped my cheek and started to comfort me. "Carly, it's okay. We know we shouldn't do these things in your house, it wasn't-"_

"_It's not that, Freddie!" He gave me a tight hug. _

"_Leave. Me. Alone." My voice broke and tears started to escape from my eyes. I must look really scary (or horrible) because Sam and Freddie left without any word._

"_Stupid Sam, stupid Freddie, stupid Spencer! Why Spencer? Never mind, they're all stupid! They can do whatever they want! I don't care! La la la la, see? I don't care! I'm okay!" I burst into tears._

"_Hello, I'm still here!" Spencer caught my attention._

"_Oh Spencer," I collapsed melodramaticaly on a couch. "I exaggerated a little bit, didn't I?" _

"_Weeeeell," Spencer began with a weird grin. "I don't think I wanna be involved in this situation."_

"_But you have to, you're my big brother," I sobbed and came out with my puppy look._

"_Oh, I forgot." He slapped his forehead. "Okay, tell me what's your problem."_

"_I don't know," I whined. "I'm happy for those two and- no, I'm not happy! They're not a couple yet! And well," I stood up and started to pace around the room. "They're still together, they hang out without me and when I walk in my apartment, they're making out on my couch!" _

"_Carly, you should knock when you enter their- I mean our apartment. Respect their privacy!" _

"_Spencer!" _

"_Look, just apologize and tell them how you feel, they will understand." _

"_Maybe I should just find a boyfriend."_

"_Noooo, no no no no no. That's not a good idea. Boys are jerks! They come, infect you with mononucleosis and then break your heart! That's not what you want."_

"_Spencer!"_

_I stood outside apartment 8=D, rehearsing my speech. What if they won't forgive me? What if they won't wanna be friends with me anymore? What if- I calmed down and knocked at the door. No one responded. _

"_Guys? If you're mad, I understand, I overacted and I shouldn't be mad that you love-" The door swung open. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Benson!" I laughed nervously. _

"_What do you want?" She eyed me, venom clearly visible in her glare. _

"_Are Freddie and Sam here?" _

"_Why should be the deliquent with my Freddie-bear?" Uh-oh, she doesn't know? Of course she doesn't, she would be in a hospital with a heart-attack if she knew. _

"_Okay, is Freddie here?" _

"_No." _

"_If he doesn't wanna see me, I get it, but could you just tell him I need to talk with him?"_

"_What did you do to him? Did you hurt him? Is he okay?"_

"_I take it as a 'No, he's not here.' Thank you." I left as fast as I could. Where could he be? I searched in Groovy Smoothie, park, even in a butcher shop (you know, maybe Sam had a craving for bacon and she couldn't just barge in my apartment and take it from my fridge as usual)! Finally, I gave in and got back to Bushwell. I heard someone talk in a fire escape. Sam and Freddie! Eavesdroping is not polite, but I had to know what they think about my "little outburst". _

"_Do you think she's still angry? We should go apologize," Sam said. Both were lying on a floor next to each other. _

"_I don't know, I don't think she was angry. More like hurt." Smart cookie, Freddie. _

"_Yeah, we kinda ignored her those last days." Sam smacked Freddie's forehead. "I can't believe I neglected my best friend because of you!" _

"_Admit it, Puckett, you love me," he mocked. _

"_No girl will ever love you." _

"_Well, you're not a girl then."_

"_What did you said?" Sam's voice was threatening. Uh-oh._

_I could listen their whole conversation, fight and watch them kiss, but I knew everything what I needed to know. They care about me. _

How long am I standing here? Okay, this is my apartment, I can make it. I'll just open the door and walk in. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Since this is MY apartment, I can walk in whenever I want without knocking.

"I'm here!" I shout as I walk in, trying to avoid an "awkward situation".

"Hey cupcake," Sam greets me. She holds a Peppy Cola in her hand and watches old re-runs of Girly Cow.

"Where's Freddie?" I ask surprised.

"The nub is upstairs doing a techy stuff."

"And Spencer?"

"Flirting with a waitress in Cheesecake Warehouse." Everything is back to normal! I know it's just for a day or two, but it's nice. At least, they care enough to try make me happy. Now hush, I'm gonna watch Girly Cow with my best friend.


	6. I date Sam and Freddie

**A/N: Woah, woah! Guys, you're wickedly AWESOME! 48 reviews? Oh my plastic pickle! 68 favs and alerts in total :) You deserve a new chapter! And virtual cookies for everyone ^^**

**Disclaimer: In a land far, far away lived a little girl who owned a magic kingdom with elfs, fairies and glitter toilets. The only thing she didn't own was iCarly. **

I have a date with Jeff! Yay! Spencer said he doesn't like him. When I asked him why, he said, "He's a boy, duh! And his hair is too long." The fact that Spencer's hair is way longer was ignored, of course. I don't care what he thinks, Sam and Freddie consider him a cool guy and when these two agree on something, it must be true. I wanted to ask them if they would like to go on a double date, but I changed my mind.. Last time I asked them to do it for me, it didn't turn out to be the GREATEST idea ever. To be honest, it was probably my WORST idea ever. And when Wendy found out that Freddie and Sam were on a date, the whole school started to talk about it. It didn't last long, Sam convinced them politely ("I beat the chiz outta them! They deserved it!") that they were just hanging out ("Well duh, normal enemies do that!") and ran into me and my date ("Just a coincidence!"). But actually, it's a little different story...

"_Hello, Ms. Sunshine! What's up with this 'oh my lollipop, I'm so happy!' face?" Spencer asked cheesily. He was working on a new sculpture. I wasn't sure what is it, now I know it's Mr. and Mrs. Flatware. _

"_Not telling, you would probably freak out," I smiled and sat on a couch. "Is Sam here? I need to tell her!" _

"_She's upstairs with Freddie. And they're working on- I don't know and I don't think I wanna know." Spencer stopped his work and fixed his eyes to the same space as I did. We both shuddered. I climbed up the stairs to tell Sam and Freddie the news. Freddie will probably laugh in my face and Sam won't stop babbling about how hot is my date. _

"_Guys? Are you decent?" I opened the door with my eyes closed. _

"_Wait Carly, lemme put my bra on!" Sam joked and immediately burst out laughing. _

"_That's not funny!" I complained. _

"_Actually, it is, Carly. What do you think we're doing here when you're not around?" Freddie asked, obviously amused. What should I tell them? 'Oh, I'm too embarrassed to ask if you were doing the nasty yet, you know?' Okay, I'm prepared to ask them. Now or never._

"_I thought you may- never mind," I blushed. I'll ask... another time. "You know who asked me out?" Sam and Freddie both looked at me with expecting expressions. _

"_C'mon, spit it out! You don't want us to guess, do you?" you-would-never-guess-who said. _

"_Griffin!" I squealed. "He told me he was really stupid to dump me just because I didn't like his PeeWee babies and that it was really childish and... ah, I can't believe I'm going to a date with Griffin!" I said with my happy smile. Date with Griffin? My eyes widened in realization. "I have a date with Griffin!" _

"_Calm down, Carly. It'll be okay, now when Griffin get rid off his stuffed animals, he's flawless!" Sam comforted me with a knowing smirk. "I still have his shirtless photos-"_

"_You what?" Freddie yelled. His anger immediately filled the air. _

"_Geez, Fredwina. No need to get your boxers in a twist!" _

"_You mean panties?" he said mockingly with a knowing smirk. _

"_Don't. Say. It. Ever. Again." Sam clenched her teeth and slapped Freddie. I waited when he'll start to scream or at least complain about Sam being an abusive maniac, but he didn't. _

"_Oh, what do you think? Panties? What's wrong about it? Panties is a perfectly panties-ly okay word. You know, you should wear panties, you're a girl after all. Panties." He burst out laughing and then suddenly, I saw him lying on a ground. Oh, sure, Sam had hit him. They wrestled for a moment, I don't think you want to hear the deets._

"_Guys?" I whispered. "GUYS!" I shouted loudly – more than necessary. "You are going to a date with me, Sam."_

"_Carly, I love you, but not in that way," Sam smirked, trying to make a fool of me._

"_You're going with me on a date with Griffin!" _

"_Never. I won't be sitting there like a horseradish and listen you two sappy love birds." Horseradish? What the fudge? _

"_Okay, you're going to a double date. You have a choice, Freddie or Griffin's little brother." _

"_An ugly dork or a little cutie pie? I'm going with a cutie pie."_

"_He's one year old!" _

"_Ugh... Okay." Freddie smiled widely and winked at me. He was trying to ask Sam out since forever, but she always rejects him. "Bring me a diapers and nursing bottle." Oh. _

_I'm proud of myself. Sam looked magical. Her blonde curls decorated with a flower rested on her shoulders and her natural make-up made her look innocent (how ironic is that?). The black short dress I had picked out for her suited her perfectly, it contrasted with the make-up. It wasn't a 'daffodil' type of dress, she looked like a rebel. I tried to convince her to wear silver high heels and... if you think she tried to commit suicide, you're wrong. She gladly took them and thanked! She said it won't kill her and when she'll tread on Freddie's foot, it will hurt way more than usual. _

_We descended the stairs. Freddie and Griffin were already waiting in a living room. You should see the death glares which was Spencer sending towards Griffin, it was hilarious. He shifted uncomfortably and smiled nervously. Poor thing. Freddie stared at Sam, his eyes sparkling and a smiled played on his lips. He didn't look too bad himself. He wore a black jeans, converse, white plaid shirt and black tie. Simple, but effective. _

_Griffin placed his arms on my hips. "Please, can we get outta here? Spencer made a sculpture which includes a chainsaw and I'm sure he will test it on me soon." I chuckled. _

"_Spencer, we're going! We'll be home around... I don't know, maybe before Sunday," I laughed and left our apartment before he could retort. I heard him scream something like, "If you won't be home by 11, I'll call the cops!"_

_We arrived at Petrosini's. It was a very nice, fancy restaurant. Everything was purple, even the flowers and waitresses. I mean, they weren't purple, just their clothes. How weird would be if they were purple? If you would want to offend them, you could call them "purple jerks". Hehe. That's funny. Why am I the only one laughing? It IS funny! _

_Oh my rotten fish, I was having so much fun! With Sam and Freddie, actually. Griffin was just sitting next to me, trying to catch up our conversation. I think I heard him say something like, "Hello, I'm still here!" but we were laughing too hard to hear him clearly. _

"_Okay, next dare. It's your turn, Momma's boy," Sam said in a sing-song voice._

"_I won't ask the old fat waitress out, Sam," Freddie lowered his head. _

"_Oh man, you're ruining all the fun!" Sam laughed. "Okay, Carly, can I involve you?" _

"_No," I spilled out. "No, no, no, no and no!"_

"_Thank you, Carly! So, Fredamame, you'll call Spencer," she giggled, "and pretend you're drunk."_

"_Sam!" Freddie snapped at her. _

"_Wait, that's not the best part. You'll tell him that Carly is with Griffin in an empty room and they're making weird sounds." She laughed even harder. _

"_Sam!" we all yelled in unison. I began to laugh and Freddie joined me. Only Griffin looked like if he was going to pass out. _

"_Are you crazy?" Griffin exclaimed. "He's not gonna do it, right?"_

"_Come on, bad boy, we just wanna have some fun!" Sam rolled her eyes, slightly annoyed. _

"_Your brother will kill me!" _

"_Don't worry, Peter the Penguin will come to rescue you!" Freddie said between laughs. Sam cracked up and fist bumped him in their own crazy way. _

"_That's it!" Griffin took his jacket and headed for the exit. _

"_Should I try to stop him?" I asked, unable to wipe off the smile on my face. _

"_Nah, he's a dork who doesn't know what the word 'fun' means." Sam said. I felt bad for Griffin. We practically avoided him and then we made fun of him. That's not nice, kind people don't do that. And I'm kinda nice. Kinda._

"_So Freddie, will you use your phone or do you want to borrow mine?" _

Well, a date with Jeff could be different. Griffin was overacting! And when a boy doesn't like my friends, he can't be with me, duh. My friends will always be more important than him. They're like my siblings, we live together! Spencer said we're like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, inseparable, great team and adorably green (I'm not sure what he meant with this). Maybe I should drag them to all my dates.

"Sam? You, me and Freddie have a date with Jeff tommorow."

"Okay," Sam sighed. "Spencer, what are you doing with those pills?"

"I'm okay! Why do I have to take them anyway?"

"You had a heart-attack!" I say in a 'duh' tone.

"You three caused it!"

"It's not our fault! You're too easy," Freddie smirks.

"Do you want to say I'm dumb?" His question remains unanswered as we try to look innocent. "Maybe I'm stupid, but I'm not an idiot." Excuse me, I have to die laughing now.


	7. Heart attack

**A/N: Hey peepz! Okay, this chapter might seem a little cliché at the beginning, but I promise, if you'll keep reading till the end, you'll be really surprised and you'll probably like it (if you're not one of those 'drama lovers' people – if you're, what'cha doin' here? This is comedy, yo!). This idea popped onto my mind when I was playing with a little turtle which was trying to bite me... No kidding. That kind of turtle is the killing kind. **

**Disclaimer: ****It's down on me, yeah, I got to tell you one thing, it's been on my mind, girl I gotta say... I don't own iCarly! Shocker, right? (And if you don't love Aerosmith, watch out for my updated cousin Luke Skywalker – SkyLeinz can tell you about it.)**

Spencer said he has a good news for me. I always loved good news. Not anymore. Everything changed a few months ago when Sam came home with "great news" about her and Freddie. I was thinking that they're maybe a couple yet. I was so excited! And then she told me. I don't know if I fainted or just stood there in shock. Freddie wasn't even surprised. He just smiled and waved it off. He knows her too well.

She's now with her mom in a mall, they're buying a baby furniture, so I have enough time to tell you the whole story.

_Sam was acting weird this day. When she woke up, she didn't want any bacon, she said she doesn't feel good. We're talking about a girl who was eating corn with a bleeding gum! Food is always more important than her health. I felt that something ain't right._

_Later, we went to the mall. I needed to buy a new pair of green heels. You wouldn't understand unless you saw them. I couldn't leave them there! We headed for Build-A-Bra, but Sam stopped in front of some shop with baby clothes. She studied it for a while and then she asked me, "If you would get pregnant now, would you keep the baby?" I just shrugged and told her that I don't have idea, but I'm not that dumb to get pregnant now. I'm only seventeen years old! _

_Sam bought a sweatpants and a hoodie which was a few sizes bigger than she needed. I asked her why she didn't buy a hoodie in her size, but she said it's for her mom. I wanted to scan more stores, however, Sam whined that she's really tired and sleepy. _

_When we arrived to Bushwell, Sam immediately landed on Jade (our couch, sillies!). _

"_Carly? I have... great news for you," she said nervously and bit her bottom lip. _

"_What is it?" I asked with a smile plastered on my face. _

"_I- Well-" _

"_Hey kiddos!" Spencer interrupted her. „How was shopping? Did you spent too much money?" _

"_Great and yes," I grinned and sticked out my tongue at him. "What'cha doin'?"_

"_Getting ready for a date with Natalie." He raised an eyebrow and grimaced. _

"_Oooh," I grinned widely. "This time make sure she's not a guy."_

"_Nyeeeh!"_

"_Nyeeeh!"_

"_I'm going," he said as he went towards the door. "Don't put anything on fire!"_

"_Don't worry, that's your job," I crossed my arms on my chest. "Be home before midnight! And don't bore her to death with your long talks about anything!"_

"_Don't worry, that's your job!" he mocked and closed the door. Sometimes I wonder if Spencer is my guardian or I'm his. I shook my head and took a glance on Sam. She seemed like if she was going to cry. _

"_Sam? Are you okay, honey?" I asked with a concern. _

"_Yeah, just- Nothing, I'm okay." She wiped off a tear of her cheek and smiled. I didn't believe her, but I knew that if something's wrong, she will tell me eventually. We watched Full House and ate popcorn. Sam mixed it with ice cream. I know, disgusting, right? However, she told me it's delicious and I should try it, too. I have to admit that it was better than I imagined, I can't explain it. Sam was nervous the whole time we watched the television. She went to the bathroom and when she returned, her face was pale. _

"_Okay Sam, what's up?" _

"_I'm," she lowered her head, "pregnant." What? I swear, my heart stopped and every muscle on my body tensed. Sam is pregnant. I should know! She refused food, she was quickly tired and felt bad. How could I be so clueless? She raises a child. Oh my space shuttle, Freddie's child. _

"_Does Freddie know about it?" I said the first thing which popped onto my mind. Surprisingly, it made a sense. _

"_I can't tell him, I don't wanna ruin his future, Carly!" she sobbed. I hugged her. I didn't know what can I do for her, I just hugged her. Freddie empregnanted her and she thinks about his future. This is pathetic._

"_You have to tell him. What about your mom?" _

"_She can't find out about this, she will kick me out of our house!" A tear escaped her eye. I watched her breaking down, ruining her future. She was never the best student, she was smart, though. She could have A's and B's, but she was too lazy. I and Freddie persuaded her to apply to college and improve her grades. And now it's gone. Suddenly, the door swung open and Freddie came in cheerily. _

"_Sup ladies?"_

"_Sam is pregnant!" I snapped at him without second thought. Oh man, I'm screwed up. He shouldn't find out this way. Sam will kill me. I looked at her timidly. She didn't move a muscle. Good for me._

"_Oh really? Who's the father?" He smiled and looked at Sam's stomach. How can he be so calm? He just found out that Sam is pregnant! And what kind of question is that? Sam is not a slut! _

"_You, moron!" I let my anger come to the surface. _

"_Cool! Is it a girl or boy?" What the fuck? Did Carly Shay just cussed? Yeah, she did. Just in her mind, but she did. _

"_I don't know yet, idiot," Sam rolled her eyes, but seemed amused. What the hell is going on? Did he know? Freddie kneeled down and started to use baby talk to Sam's stomach. He was all like, "Hey little thing! I'll bring you bolivian bacon tommorow, okay?" or "Don't let momma eat all your food!" and "Uncle Spencey will make you a spaghetti taco flavoured milk!" I couldn't také it and started to shout. _

"_Are you insane? She's having a baby! That's not funny! Freddie, you're acting like a jerk! SHE'S PREGNANT!" My attempts to calm down didn't work. I took a deep breathe in pursuit of subdue my rage. It's okay, Carly, it's okay. I looked up to see if Freddie seems, at least, a little bit guilty. Nuh-uh. _

_Sam and Freddie looked at each other and began to laugh. And they laughed really hard. And loudly. And for a long time. I didn't know what to do, I was absolutely confused. What's so funny about it? They were lying on the floor, trying to catch a breath, but failing miserably. They're insane, insane! _

_Spencer walked in with goofy frin on his face. He was singing Baby by Justin Bieber. What's the matter with his music taste by the way? He took a glance on Sam and Freddie whose were still lying on the ground. _

"_What happened? Did they see my videos?" he panicked. _

"_No, they just- videos?"_

"_Don't ask."_

"_I won't. Anyways, Sam told me she's pregnant and-"_

"_She what?" Spencer made a weird grimace. "Of course, Carly. I won't buy it again." He rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen. Is everyone going nuts? Why are they still laughing? Then it hit me. Oh. My. God. It's-_

"_April Fool's!" Sam yelled between laughs. I should know. (Oh my plastic picle, do I have to repeat it all the time?) I know Sam better than anyone else. I promised I won't fall for her pranks anymore. Gosh, I even wrote a note in my calendar! '1st of April, REMEMBER TO NOT LET SAM MAKE FOOL OF YOU!' _

"_Sam! You almost caused me a heart attack!"_

"_Now you know how it feels like!" Spencer snapped. _

And that's a short story called 'How Carly's friends almost killed her'. I should publish it one day. Oh wait, I just did. Hold on for a second, Sam and her mom are coming. They probably bought the furniture they needed yet. I think it's too soon, they even don't know the sex!

"Let me sit down, please!" Sam's mom says too loudly.

"Good day, Mrs. Puckett," I smile kindly like a good girl I am.

"I can't wait till she delivers that little monster and stops being such a wimp!" Sam rolls her eyes.

"Sam," I reprove her. She can be so mean sometimes! Come on, her mom is having a baby! She will have a little sister or brother. How awesome is that? But no, Sam must always have a stupid remarks.

"Just get outta there already, Jade!"

**A/N: Review! If you don't what to say, pick one of these possibilities: 1. Loved it! story sucks, yo. And don't forget to check SkyLeinz's story FIND MY WAY BACK. **


	8. Don't touch my tech stuff

**A/N: Hi-ya! Hoo-sha! *cough* I mean, hey! I have to say that I hate this chapter, but read it anyway. And if you wanna know why Carly always says "What the fudge?", read iOMF by geekquality. You'll love it :) Oh, and if you wanna know why she says crap like "Oh my holy purple cow!", "Oh my polka-dotter unicorn!" or "Oh my plastic pickle!" that's just me being weird. Yeah, I use it a lot. Enjoy the chapter... I know it's not the best.**

**Disclaimer: I was planning on becoming an invisible flying purple pony who throws shurikens and yaps, but becoming Dan and own iCarly isn't a bad idea. **

Aww, this photo is so cute! It's from Sam's 17th birthday. I made her wear this amazing red dress and awesome loud blue shoes. You think that blue and red don't match? Try it! She was beautiful, even Freddie said so. Well, it wasn't exactly "Holy chiz, you're so beautiful!", more like "Wow! You look like a girl!" But it was just a joke... He wanted to make her mad , argue, fight and kiss her, that's all.

I should post this on her SplashFace profile! Or better not. Rule n° 36, don't play with momma's tech-stuff (you would expect that coming from Freddie, wouldn't you?). And she probably doesn't want the whole world to see her with "the nub" HAVING FUN. It was a great snap-shot, she didn't even catch it. I have a loads of photos of her and Freddie that she doesn't know about. She can't find out, she would probably do... certain things to me. Like when I updated her SplashFace profile for the first and last time... uh... I prefer not talk about it. No, I mean it. No! Not for all the fudge in America! Brad's fudge? Okay, I'll tell ya.

_I was sick. Like really really sick. Sam and Freddie were taking care of me, since Spencer was somewhere in Canada with Socko trying to find a beavecoon. Can't he just understand that beavecoon is not real? He's obsessed! If he would be obsessed with something what actually does exists, like Bigfoot for example, it would be different. He's just too stubborn to admit a defeat. _

_So... What was I saying? Oh, I was sick. And Sam and Freddie were helping me. Not really, to be honest. When I told them to take turns, they looked at me like if I was the biggest weirdo on this planet (I have to be somewhat weird, Spencer is my relative!). Sam annoyed Freddie and he was taking care of me – typical. It was hysterical, I begged Freddie to bring me a camera so we could put it on iCarly as a sketch, he refused though. He said he won't show the world how his (and I quote) "girl- I mean frenemy" causes him permanent bruises. _

"_Bring the camera, Freddie! Please?" I tried it for the hundredth time between coughs and sneezes. "I'm sick, we won't be able to do anything else for iCarly."_

"_No!" Freddie put his arms across his chest. Ugh, I swear, Sam is rubbing of on him._

"_You're such a bore, Benson," Sam rolled her eyes and punched him lightly. _

"_Please, Freddie, for-" I stopped for a second. I was going to say 'for me', but I realized there's someone who might really make him do it. "For Sam." I smirked when I saw Freddie's hesitating expression. Sam eyed him sternly, it was the kind of stare which makes you wet your pants. However, he didn't move a muscle. He stood there with a raised eyebrow - typical. Sam changed her tactics, smiled seductively (eww! I still didn't get used to this) and leaned to him. I hoped she wasn't going to kiss him. Yay! She didn't! She approached Freddie's ear. For a moment, I thought she was going to bite his earlobe, but nope. She whispered something I couldn't hear, his face immediately enlightened and a huge grin spread across his face. _

"_But only if you bring the camera," she added loud enough for me to hear. He bit his lip and lowered his head. _

"_Fine," he finally gave up. I would like to know what did Sam said to him. Or maybe not. Who am I kidding, I was really curious!_

"_What did you promised him?" I attempted to smile._

"_To do... things." Oh no. I'm not having this conversation, do I?_

"_The things or just things?" _

"_I don't know what are you talking about," Sam snorted. Is she trying to drive me insane? 'Cause it really works! I waited for her to speak, but she just stared at me with a blank expression. _

"_Just tell me!" I shouted, but my voice broke. _

"_Carly! Calm down! I wouldn't do 'the things' with a nub like that!" _

"_Hello, I'm still here!" Freddie waved his hand in front of Sam's face. Oh crap. _

"_She didn't mean it, I'm just really annoying when I'm sick," I groaned and coughed again. This time just for the effect. _

"_Shoosh yeah! You really are annoying," Sam retorted with a grin. "But I meant the thing with Fredgeek." _

"_Shut up!" Freddie snapped. _

"_Don't tell me to shut up, Fredweird!" She kicked his shin. Freddie cried in pain and murmured a few swearwords that I don't want to hear ever again. Ladies and gentlemen, Freddie Benson cursed! A lot, might I add. _

"_I'm calm, I'm calm," he repeated through clenched teeth. "I want my reward now." _

"_You don't think I'll really do it, right?" she asked amusedly. He seemed angry for a second before his eyes lit up._

"_If you won't, I will." He took advantage of Sam's lack of concentration and placed his lips on hers. I guess that he's not planning on bringing the camera. She didn't protested and put her arms on his chest. His arms found a way to Sam's hips. This kiss wasn't as passionate as usual, it was nice and sweet. I stared at them in awe until I grabbed my PearPhone and took a photo of them. I'm not a pervert! I just... uh. They didn't notice, of course. I felt an urge to show it to Spencer, but he was in a flippin' Canada. Freddie stopped the kiss. At least, I thought so. He continued to kiss her on the neck. Yuck, I don't need to see this, I should apply Spencer's RTP (respect their privacy) advice. _

"_Guys, I'm gonna go to the bathroom," I coughed. No response, just Sam's moan. I actually hadn't wanted to go to the bathroom, but I think I'll need it now. I'm gonna throw up. _

_I walked down the stairs and sat at the kitchen counter to check my mail. There were some notifications from my SplashFace page. Sam didn't update her SplashFace forever. I know she has the same password everywhere. SamLikeyFriedChicken, isn't it awesome? Maybe I could... No, that's evil. But it would be... No! She would kill me! But the idea of it... NO! Uh... Don't let your sanity take the lead, you will do it anyway, Carly. _

"_Carly Shay!" I woke up lying on a couch. How did I end up here? "Can you explain me THIS?" Sam yelled motioning on a screen of Freddie's PearPad. Oh. _

"_I don't know what are you talking about," I tried Sam's method. _

"_Ah, you're in so much trouble!" _

"_But you can't hit me 'cause I'm your friend and you love me?" _

"_Don't. Talk. To. Me," she said with clenched fists and her eyes shut. Okay, now I'm a little scared. I opened my mouth to speak, but Sam's death glare stopped me. Suddenly, someone started to knock furiously at the door. Sam opened it and guess who came in. _

"_Carly! Are you insane?" Freddie yelled at me. He was breathing deeply with a flushed face. He seemed ALMOST terrifying, but I knew that Freddie wouldn't beat me up. Or I hoped. _

"_I- I'm- There's nothing wrong about it!" _

"_We're not dating, Carly, NOT DATING!" he flared up. "What will people think now?" _

"_I don't know." My eyes got teary. "The pills you gave me made me do it!" _

"_Yeah, sure. When I hid Ms. Briggs' wig, it wasn't my fault! The magic psychedelic zebra told me to do so!" Sam rap out at me sarcastically. I sighed in defeat._

"_Did you delete it yet?" I sighed. _

"_Yeah." She sat down on the couch next to me. "Carly?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_Do you wanna die?" she asked with annoyance. I sighed once again._

"_I can't take it! I want you to be happy, not broken-hearted! You obviously like each other, but you can't become a couple, of course! You have to hurt each other by flirting with another people! You two are so stupid! Just admit it. You're in love, there's nothing wrong about it! I wouldn't tell anyone, anyone! However, you must pretend you hate each other and everything what's going on between you is just making out!" Okay, this speech was unnecessary. Don't blame a sick girl! Those pills are certainly taking effect even on junkies. I waited for an answer, shouting, fight, arguing, whatever... But they just laughed. They laughed at my face. This happens a lot lately. Then they suddenly stopped and their faces were drop dead serious. What the fudge? _

_I couldn't help but smile. They were standing so close, Freddie had his arm wrapped around Sam's waist and she was leaning on his shoulder. No, there's nothing going on between them because THAT is what frenemies do. _

"_Oh Carly," Freddie sighed. "Carly, Carly, Carly." Now I was more scared than before, if it is possible. He looked like one of those mafia bosses whose are about to murder you. How sweet. _

"_You will explain everything on iCarly," Sam smirked. "You will make up a believable lie. And you'll test our new idea." Now Freddie was smirking with her. They seemed pretty terrifying, I didn't dare to protest. If you knew what "idea" for iCarly it was, you would be scared too. Let's say it has something to do with Sam's mom in bikini, Spencer and jello fantasies. And I'm humiliated for the rest of my life, by the way. _

I convinced our fans that Sam and Freddie's photo was fake and they were just rehearsing for our 'Tom and Jenny: The worst romantic movie you've ever seen'. They believed it... Why are they so dumb? The whole world could find out the truth! Seddie fans didn't gave up, though. Hehe, smart cookies.

"Sup Carly?" Sam asked with mouthful of ham.

"Nothing much." Oh my gosh, hide the PearPad, hide the PearPad!

"What's that?" Don't take it Sam, bad girl, bad girl! Oh, she did. "Aww, that's cute." Don't kill- what? Oh...

"I was thinking about posting it on your- my profile."

"Yeah, you definitely should." No sign of sarcasm, only frantic smile. "Can I use it as my avatar?"

"I need to go to the bathroom." You know that I just need to release that fangirl squeal.

**A/N: Review, please! I always get like 14 reviews, but never 15. Let my dream come true! You'll get a virtual bunny from Embrace Your Inner Gibby (yeah, that's really a nickname! Cool, huh?)**


	9. Don't meddle!

**A/N: Bonjour mes petits choux! Call someone 'a little cabbage' is kinda creepy, isn't it? Well, next chapter of your favorite (haha, yeah right...) story is here. And thank you for the 16 reviews I got for the last chapter! It's the most I ever had :)**

**Disclaimer: Do you know? "What? That you don't own iCarly?" Ah shut up! "I think it's awesome!" No no no no no no no no nooo!**

Hide me! Hide me! How did she escape anyway? It wasn't supposed to end up like that! I was just trying to help! Come on, what did I do so wrong? Why does she try to catch me and kill me! Aaaah! Okay, that was close. You know what's the worst thing about it? I can't hide. I can't close the door and be safe. She would probably pick the lock and I'd be in danger again.

"Sam! I'm so sorry!" Wow, I yell like those chicks in horror movies whose are about to be murdered. Pssh, Sam wouldn't murder me... Aaah!

"You're so gonna get it!"

Oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH! I'm freaking out, people, freaking out! Don't let her get me! What happened? Good question. I should tell you before I die. Please, tell Spencer I loved him although he killed all our goldfishes, he was often creeping me out, he was weird and pretty disgusting sometimes and I hated his long hair and taking care of the birthmark on his back and-

"There you are!"

"Aaah! Ow, Sam, please, my hair! Aaaah!" OKAY, NOW IT'S THE RIGHT TIME TO TELL YOU!

XXX

"_Principal Franklin?" I opened the door slowly and walked in. There he was, Principal Franklin, waiting for me to spill out what is on my mind._

"_Sit down, Carly," he motioned to the chair. I did as he commanded and tried to be less nervous. "Is there anything I can do for you?"_

"_I need your help," I whispered shyly. "With Sam and Freddie."_

"_Carly, I'm not going to interfere in their weird relationship." _

"_You know?" I raised my eyebrows. _

"_I know everything," he snorted as he interwined his fingers. "If you are wondering where are they during the lunch time or even during the classes, look at the janitor's closet. They are always texting and when they make each other mad, it ends up with..." He gazed into empty space and shuddered. Now he's freaking me out. Does he watch them... making out? Oh my god, is he a stalker? _

"_Oh my fried chicken, you're a perv!" I yelled and pointed my index finger on him. Fudge, it's not really smart to say something like that to a principal, right?_

"_What are you talking about?" He frowned. I giggled nervously despite the fact that I was near to a mental break-down. _

"_Hehe, just kidding." He relaxed and waited for me to continue. "Well, I was thinking that you might help me with them."_

"_Why would I help you? Once again, I don't want to be involved in this." Damn, was I really so stupid? Why did I think he might help me? He's our principal! You know, I found this page where our fans publish their fanfictions and there were a few (a few thousands) about us. Specifically about Seddie. I also found some Creddie (ugh, guys, wake up!), Spam (that's not even legal!) and Cam stories! Cam? I mean, are you serious? I would rather kiss a hobo than Sam! She's my friend and all, but JUST friend. Okay, what was I saying? Yeah, Seddie fanfics. I read one which was in my point of view. It both scares and amazes me how great those people know me. _

_I wonder if Principal Franklin doesn't stalk me and writes those stories... He wouldn't write this one anyway because it was about me trying to hook up Sam and Freddie with Mr. Franklin's help. He made Freddie be Sam's tutor to improve her grades. And guess what? It worked! Well, actually it wouldn't work 'cause Freddie would probably be killed in the process, but the idea of Ted (ugh, I'm turning into Sam) helping was great. So I read other stories of this type and I found one where Ted forced Sam and Freddie to be in a school play. They had to kiss in front of everyone. I don't know how that could help since they kiss nearly every day. Everything they need is a simple push. Freddie must do the first step, of course, Sam is too scared to do that. _

"_Because you are the best principal ever. You care about your students, you know how they feel, you never let them down-" I paused for a second and smirked, "and most importantly, if Sam was in a relationship, she wouldn't hurt the innocent students. She's too distracted when she has a boyfriend." I finished my little speech and breathed out loudly. Mr. Franklin seemed to hesitate, but I knew I got him. He sighed. _

"_What do you want me to do?" _

_XXX_

_I watched Principal Franklin as he approached janitor's closet. He looked at me anguishedly and I gave him a thumbs up. He had to do it. For children! He opened the door to see Sam and Freddie in a full make out session. They pulled apart as fast as it's humanely possible. Freddie had a guilty look in his eyes, however, Sam was just plainly annoyed and bored. Mr. Franklin did as I told him which caused a huge fight between Sam and Freddie. Okay, still part of a plan. _

"_Hello, I am still here!" Ted screamed. Sam and Freddie stopped arguing and looked at him. "Detention. Today after school. Now go to the class." Sam tried to protest, but if there was any person that Sam respected, it's Principal Franklin. He walked towards me while muttering, "This better be worth it." Mwahaha! Don't worry, it will. _

_XXX _

_Detention time! Sam nor Freddie didn't mention their detention, not even once. They know I would ask why are they in trouble and they were too embarrassed to tell me. It hurts me that they don't believe me. It's not like I would freak out, give them a preaching and tell them to become a couple! Oh wait, I would. _

_I had to play dumb, so I asked them if we're gonna go to Groovy Smoothie. Freddie made up an excuse about AV club and Sam started to talk about shaving her mom's legs. Eww! I still have a nightmares from that time I saw her in a new bikini... _

_I pretended to leave and said them goodbye. Everything was perfect. When they turned around the corner, I rushed to principal's office. _

"_Do you have the cameras installed?" I asked out of breath. _

"_Yes," he said sternly. Gosh, this guy could keep a straight face even if he was kidnapped by aliens. "I am going to- you know, make the next step." I saw a glimpse of nervousness on his face, but it soon disappeared. I simply nodded and sat down. I switched on Ted's computer and started to watch the most interesting movie ever. Live. In detention room. I wouldn't call it EXACTLY a movie... Mr. Franklin is now talking to Sam and Freddie. They sat down, he left... and locked the door. I know, evil, right? But it always works in movies! You lock two persons in a same room and they admit their feelings for each other. Isn't it perfect? They were freaking out! Sam started to kick the door repeatedly. Normal door would be K.O. by now, but I was smart enough to bribe the janitor to change it for a super extra resistant one. Applause, ladies and gentlemen. For me, of course!_

_I spoke through the microphone (yeah, I made Ted also do that). _

"_Sam? Freddie?" My voice was kind of shaky. I noticed Principal Franklin returning to the office. He gave me reassuring smile which made me even more nervous. _

"_Carly?" Sam asked incredulously. She glanced around the room. "Where are you?" _

"_I'm- doesn't matter. I need you two to do something for me." They didn't know what is happening, so they just nodded. "I just want... I... Well... Damn, admit you like each other and become a couple! You are not going anywhere until Seddie happens!" I smiled in anticipation. I was sure that it is gonna work. Freddie's eyes widened in horror, but Sam just smiled sweetly. _

"_Carly?" _

"_Yeah, Sam?"_

"_You're so dead." She smirked and raised an eyebrow. I'm dead meat. I'm dead meat. Oh my evil spicy rabbit, I'm dead meat! _

"_Well, but it will happen after you two confess your love for each other! So nyeeeeh!" I stuck out my tongue. _

"_That will never happen!" Sam put her arms across her chest. _

"_Don't fight it! You're not going anywhere until you say it." _

"_Wait... Ted helped you!" I laughed. "I swear I'll-" _

"_Shut up!" Freddie yelled. I didn't notice him until he spoke. He's not the important right now! Oh wait, he kinda is. "Sam?" He smiled and winked at her. I knew he was planning something. "I love you more than anything," he said overdramatically with a right hand on his chest. "You're the light of my life, I don't know what I would do without you!" What is he doing? "Marry me!" Sam burst out laughing and punched him in a guts. This is gonna be a long night. _

XXX

And now I'm sitting here, in the principal's office, waiting for the death to come. I would run or scream, but Sam used a duct tape to forestall it. She glares at me and probably thinks up of options to kill me. What is she doing? She's approaching! No! Ow! Owwwwwwww! That's a torture! Okay, she just tore the duct tape of my mouth, but it really hurt!

"Did you think about a new hair cut?" she asks innocently. Why is she pulling a scissors? Oh em gee. She doesn't think about- the door swings open.

"Freddie! Please, don't let her hurt my hair!" He looks at me in a shock, then at Sam, back at me and again at Sam. "Please!" He walks towards her, but she seems determined to permanently injure my precious hair. No, Sam! You're just blinded by your anger.

"Sam," Freddie tries it. "Gimme the scissors, please." This is not gonna work! I thought he's SMART!

"Don't tell me what to do, Benson! She deserves it and you know it!"

"You know that this is her nature. Meddling, gossiping... She can't help it!" Hey! Sam gives him a dirty look and starts to cut my hair. I shut my eyes, I really don't wanna see it. I will lose my silky, straight, nice hair. Well, maybe I'm a little curious. I open one eye, but everything I see is Freddie kissing Sam. He cups her cheek and gives her a small pecks. Ugh, I saw them kissing billion times, but what about my hair? It's okay! It's okay!

"Benson, don't interrupt me like that! I told you to-" She's interrupted by another kiss. Freddie, you deserve a reward. The kissing is taking too long this time.

"Uh, guys, could you let me go yet?" No response. "Guys?" Nothing. "Oh man!"

**A/N: Review, if you feel like it. And if you don't... still review. You know I can handle everything. Read samandfreddie38's story Exit Wounds, if you feel like it. And if you don't... still read it. Why? 'Cause her story is awesome and she's even more awesome. **


	10. Don't do it in my bed

**A/N: Ciao! So... I'm here. You don't care? But I'm here with a new chapter! Glad you get it. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate all your reviews and everything, but... I have 46 favs and 56 alerts! If all those guys read my story, can't they leave a review? Okay, I don't want that much, I would have like 100 reviews per every chapter (how awesome would be that?), but if I could get 15 reviews, that would be really cool. You know, it really motivates me and even inspires me! Thank you. **

**Disclaimer: EVERYTHING IS SEDDIE AND NOTHING HURTS! I mean, I don't own iCarly. **

Eavesdropping is really rude, kids. You shouldn't do it. But sometimes, you can't help it. You really need to know what's going on and you won't find out until you decide to discover it yourself. I could just ask what were they talking about, but knowing my friends, they would say that it was snothing. Sam and Freddie are probably having an intense conversation now and I need to hear it! I know you are desperate to find out what are they saying, too. I've been always there when something important happened in their lives and I should be there right now as well. Right? Right? RIGHT? But the last time I tried to 'be there' without them knowing, it didn't turn out very well. Did something ever turn out well when it comes to their love life?

XXX

_Where are they? I couldn't find them anywhere. They said they'll meet me at home. I checked living room, kitchen and studio. Heck, even bathroom! You know, I thought maybe they needed some privacy... pssh, they don't care if we see them doing- anything. And by anything, I mean ANYTHING. They're doing pretty nasty stuff in front of me, Spencer, Gibby and Brad. Yeah, even Brad! How stupid are they? They are just lucky that Brad is too nice and sweet to tell anything. Spencer still has those nightmares about bananas, pigs, Gibby, and Sam and Freddie making out shirtless. _

"_Spence!" I yelled. Spencer stormed out of his room. _

"_What?" he said in the same tone as I did before. _

"_Did you see Sam and Freddie? They said they'll meet me at home!" _

"_Well, this is your home," he spread his arms. "Maybe they meant one of their homes."_

"_Don't be stupid." I rolled my eyes. Did he really think that Samantha Puckett and Fredward Benson would go home voluntarily? I thought he knew them better. "This is their home!" He stared at me in awe and I expected him to say something dumb. _

"_Did you just call me stupid?" I didn't expect something THAT dumb. _

"_Spencer!" _

"_I don't know where are they, I even didn't see them coming!" _

"_Well, thank you for your help. It's nice to know that you're not aware of people whose come into our apartment. Not that it could be a murderer or worse, Mrs. Benson!" He stuck out his tongue at me and I did the same. He's such a kid sometimes. I say this 'sometimes' so frequently that it turned into 'always'. So that means that he's such a kid. Always. _

"_Moron," I chuckled. _

"_Hello, I'm still here! Don't insult your older brother who's taking care of you!" he waved at me and pouted. _

"_Don't lecture your younger sister who's taking care of YOU!"_

"_Don't give that attitude to the person who gives you a pocket money!" _

"_Don't-"_

_I gave up with a sigh knowing he's right and headed for my bedroom. Maybe I could do my homework or something. I was about to open the door when I heard voices. Sam and Freddie's voices, naturally. _

"_Oh, this is so good," Sam moaned. What are they doing? I could just walk in, but I decided to listen for a second. _

"_Ow, Sam! You bit me!" Freddie whined. I'll ask again – what are they doing? _

"_Don't be such a wimp, Benson! Lemme kiss it." There was a silence for a moment before Sam spoke again. "There, better?" _

"_Way better," Freddie said in his flirty tone. Oh my god, what is going on there? "Sam, we shouldn't do that in Carly's bed. It's wrong." What's wrong? Doing what in Carly's bed? Are they doing 'stuff' in MY bed? I know I said we share everything now, but no one will do the nasty in MY bed! I considered the option of flounce into my room and bawl them out, but I didn't want to see them in a situation like that. Instead of it, I listened and waited for them to end doing their... business and dress up, then I would eventually storm into my room and give them a dressing down. _

"_She wouldn't care! Or maybe she would..." I heard a smacking sound. Eww! _

"_Sam, don't chew on it like that, it's- Ow!" Chew? That's... yuck. And probably painful. Okay, I'm not gonna wait. They won't do 'that' in my bed! Not even in my apartment! But I can't just walk in when they're... you know. Maybe I could give them a second by announcing that I'm arriving. _

_I tip-toed a few paces back and pretended that I'm coming again. This time loudly enough for them to hear. _

"_Guys?" I called them just in case if they didn't hear me. _

"_Holy cow! What now? Where do we put it?" Sam panicked. What is she talking about? She should get dressed right now, not think about putting something somewhere. _

"_No! Not under her pillow!" Freddie whisper-yelled. Under my pillow? Did they talk about their underwear or something? Nope, why would they put it under my pillow, that's weird._

"_Why?" _

"_It's used! That's disgusting!" I'm not gonna puke. I'm not gonna puke. Oh my, I will. Is it used- used- I'm gonna puke! _

"_Yeah, so let it lay on the floor for her to see is better idea," Sam retorted sarcastically._

"_Under the bed! Under the bed!" I couldn't take it anymore. I slowly opened the door to see fully dressed Sam and Freddie standing behind my bed. Wow, they're really good! How did they dress up so fast?_

"_Hey guys, what were you doing?" I asked casually. Freddie shifted uncomfortably and Sam elbowed him with a blank expression as usual. _

"_We were- uh- you see-" Freddie tried to explain. We know Freddie isn't the best liar... _

"_What do you think we were doing, Carly? The usual," Sam rolled her eyes. So doing 'it' on my bed is usual? Great! Now I won't be able to sleep here ever again! They raped my bed! This whole room is desecrated. _

"_Oh, so I can look under my bed." Okay, you wasn't supposed to say that, Carly. But I did anyway, of course. I just can't keep my mouth shut! It's hard being a Shay sometimes. Freddie's eyes widened, but Sam gave him a 'it's-not-a-big-deal' look. It IS a big deal! _

"_You heard?" Freddie asked with a fear in his voice. "Sam! I told you to pick something different, but nooo." Sam smacked Freddie's head. _

"_Look Carly," Sam began. "I'm sorry, I know you told me to not do it in your bed." I told her not to do it? Oh yeah, like nine hundred times, but I was just joking! Well, I was serious, but in the I'm-just-kidding way!_

"_Are you serious? This is disgusting! I can't sleep in my bed anymore!" _

"_C'mon, it's not so much of a big deal. You're exaggerating." _

"_Exaggerating? Exaggerating?" I was furious at the moment. "Take the thing from under my bed and get rid of it!" _

"_Jeez, Carly, I knew you will freak out, but I didn't know it's gonna be that bad!" Freddie said as he kneeled down to take 'the thing'. _

"_So you're doing the nasty in my bed and- What the fudge?" He was holding a dirty plate. Plate, I'm saying! _

"_Nasty?" he asked with an eyebrow raised. _

"_What's so nasty about ham?" Sam asked dumbfounded. _

"_Wait," Freddie's eyes widened in realization. "You meant... The nasty?" He looked at Sam whom jaw almost hit the floor. You know what's the funny thing about this? Nothing. They just started to laugh. Again. Seriously, what's up with all this laughing? Am I that funny? Sure, I actually amm funny, nice and adorable, but people should laugh with me, not in my face! _

"_Stop!" Sam and Freddie immediately stopped laughing, but they couldn't wipe off the goofy grins of their faces. "I just- What were you doing?" _

"_Fredwardo lost a bet and he had to buy me all the food I wanted and feed me," Sam chuckled. "I think you mistook 'eat' with 'eat out'." She and Freddie laughed like idiots again. I tried to hide my blush. _

"_Oh, thanks god! So you two don't sleep together!"_

"_I didn't say we don't," she winked and walked away. Freddie must have seen my shocked expression because he came closer to me and whispered, "we don't." _

XXX

See my dilemma? What if I misinterpret the things again and screw up everything? I could solemnly damage their relationship. Darn it, their relationship is screwed up already!

"Well, Fredweird, the thing is... huh, you know-"

"I know what you wanna say. Our relationship kinda changed."

"Yeah, we're closer than before."

"Uh huh." Oh my lonely strawberry, finally! They're going to admit their feelings for each other!

"Maybe we should just admit it yet."

"What exactly, Sam?"  
>"That, you know..." It's coming, guys, it's coming! "We're not enemies anymore. That- that- THAT WE'RE FRIENDS! There, I said it." Oh.<p>

"More like friends with tame benefits."

"Don't push your luck, Benson." I hope they didn't hear my frustrated scream.

**A/N: There! They said it! XD What did you expect? That they will confess their undying love? Yeah? Oh. Anyways, I know this is a T rated story and I can make Carly say "sex", but I just think it's not something she would like to say aloud. And I don't want this to turn into Secret Life... Review, please! **


	11. This hoodlum is your girlfriend?

**A/N: Guess who got 123 reviews? "You!" Me! Oh man, I wanted to say it first! Okay, it caused samandfreddie38, my new awesome beta reader, but even if she didn't write 10 reviews (one for every chapter, of course), I'd have 113. And that's amazing! :) Thank you. Anyway, 2 days till iLMM! Who's excited? Who's excited? I know you are.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly. (I feel so official now!)**

"Sam! Stop doing- oh hello, Mrs. Benson!" Damn. She's here again! Now that she knows, she comes to check Freddie every few hours. What kind of mother does that? Crazy. Yeah, I really called her that! Just look at her! I bet if she wanted to play in a horror movie, she would definitely get the role of a main psycho.

"Hello," Mrs. Benson replies with slightly disgusted look.

Sam has this smug smirk on her face. This can't be good. She walks towards Freddie and kisses his cheek.

"Honey, your mom came to see you again." You can see the devious grin on her face. Ever since Mrs. Benson saw Sam and Freddie kissing, she thinks they're a couple. Freddie tried to convince her that it's not true and that kiss was just 'in a heat of moment' (as always), but Sam didn't let him persuade her. She's evil.

"Sam, stop it! My mom knows we're not going out!" Sam pouts.

"Why are you lying to your mom?" she asks in a voice so innocent that you would almost believe that she have never beaten up a boy because he has told her she's cute. She leans and you can guess what she's doing now. Yeah, her lips are all over Freddie's. She attacked his lips just like that in front of Mrs. Benson. This is wonderful. Wonderful!

"Sam," Freddie's muttering in a stop-it voice, but you can clearly see he doesn't want her to stop.

"Hello, I'm still here! I just wanted to invite the hoodlum over there to our apartment to have a dinner with us!" Mrs. Benson shouts with her hands covering her face. You probably want to know why she's not screaming in horror. Okay, let's see if I have a time to tell you. Well, Freddie and Sam are arguing, Mrs. Benson is trying to make them shut up and Spencer... Didn't Spencer leave like ten minutes ago? Why is he here again? Ugh... Yeah, I have enough time to tell you everything.

XXX

"_Sam!" I heard a muffled sound. What does my pillow do on Freddie's face? Ah, Sam is smothering him. That's okay... I guess. _

"_Just say it!" she yelled determined to make him say whatever she wanted to make him say. It was probably something like 'Sam Puckett is my lord and I'm her slaver' or 'Sam is hotter than any other girl in the world'. _

"_Jeez." Pause. "Sam!" Pause. "Can't." Pause. "Breathe!" Should I help him? I sighed. Of course I should help him, there's no one else who would do it!_

"_Saaaam, we don't wanna call an ambulance again, do we?" I reproached her with my eyebrows raised. _

"_Fine." She finally gave up. Freddie inhaled deeply a few times before he spoke. _

"_Are you trying to kill me?" he asked. You could feel how angry he was. I didn't see him being so furious in a while. And I also didn't see Sam being so aggressive toward him in a while. What did happen between them? They were acting weird lately. _

"_No, I'm trying to find the world's biggest gummy bear in your pocket!" she snapped sarcastically with an eye roll. _

"_That even doesn't make sense! The world's biggest gummy bear wouldn't fit onto my pocket!" Freddie shouted. His expression was serious before he burst out laughing. Sam joined him and soon they were chortling like 'the world's biggest idiots'. Seriously, I don't get what was so funny about that remark. They always laugh at stupid stuff like that. But when I say something funny, they look at me like if I was a creepy-crawly. For example yesterday, when I said, 'Oh Freddie, you're so sweet! You seriously had to eat some sweets today!' I then began to laugh hysterically, but Sam and Freddie eyed me with a WTF look and continued to do- whatever they were doing before I 'rudely interrupted them'._

"_Carly?" Sam's voice filled my ears. _

"_Huh?" _

"_We're going downstairs, you coming?" _

"_Sure, I'll be there in five." _

_XXX_

_When I came downstairs, the duo was swallowed in an MMA fight yet. Shelby Marx vs. Jenny Trace, so you can imagine how loud their screams were. _

"_Go, Shelby, gooo!" Sam yelled as she took a handful of popcorn. _

"_Wow, she looks great tonight," Freddie grinned. "As always." Sam gave him a glare. _

"_Do you think she's hot?" she asked, her voice filled with venom. _

"_Yeah, so?" _

"_A girl like her would never like you," she snapped with an amused expression. I'm not buying it, Sam, you're jealous! _

"_You never know." He took one piece of popcorn and showed it into his mouth. Sam eyed him suspiciously, but didn't say anything. After few seconds, she sat nearer to him. _

"_Is there something I should know?"_

"_Like what?" Freddie didn't stop to watch the fight. _

"_I don't know. You act weird lately. Do you have a girlfriend or something?" _

"_Hmm, could beee," he said in a sing-song voice. Freddie has a girlfriend? Who? Oh my gosh! Freddie's cheating on Sam! Practically he doesn't cheat on her 'cause they're not going out, but can't he take a sign? She so likes him! _

"_What?" She got up and seemed really mad. _

"_Jealous?" Freddie, stop being so cocky! She will hurt you. Well, he would deserve it and I'm really furious right now. I wanna see him with a black eye... Freddie, be cocky again!_

"_No! I just can't believe you didn't tell me! I thought we're friends!" _

"_We are friends." No, you're not! You're more than that! And you, stupid geek, are dating another girl! How much I wanted to say that aloud. _

"_Did you tell Carly?" Her voice was really soft. He didn't respond, he just stared at her in awe. "Oh my gosh, it's Carly, isn't it?You dork! You could just tell me! It's important!" So much about Sam's soft side. "I can't believe you two didn't tell me! I could handle it!" Freddie crashed his lips on hers. The kiss was short and sweet, he immediately pulled away and rested his forehead on hers. _

"_Just shut up. I'm not dating anyone, Sam," he said as he stared at her eyes. That was the most romantic thing I've ever seen. No chick flick could overcome this moment. Until Sam moved away and smacked his forehead. _

"_Nub! You scared me to death! I thought that Carly started to date you out of pity again! I knew she would eventually come to her senses, but man! Don't do this to me! I mean, are you trying to kill me? 'Cause if you do-" Before I realized it, Sam and Freddie were kissing again. This time more passionately. Like the-taste-of-your-saliva-will-never-leave-my-mouth passionately, if you know what I mean._

_Someone opened the door and I thought it was Spencer. Then I saw her. Mrs. Benson with her eyes wide open gaping at her son and his blonde-headed friend licking each other's faces. _

"_Oh my gosh, Mrs. Benson!" I cried in surprise. Sam and Freddie suddenly stopped kissing and turned around to see Freddie's mom who still stood there in shock. _

"_I- I- came to tell you that you should- I-" Mrs. Benson tried to give out a reasonable sentence. "Oh my goodness, Fredward!" I thought she was going to spray him with some disinfectant or make him take a shower and use antibacterial soap, but I thought wrong. She hugged him. _

"_Mom, it's not what it looks like!" Freddie was giving her an explanation. _

"_You have a girlfriend!" she smiled brightly. "I can not believe you have a girlfriend who is not that Carly dummy!" Hey! People think I'm adorable! "Okay, she is a delinquent, but we can work on that. And she did not try to kill you! Sort of." She obviously didn't know how wrong she was. Didn't she check Freddie every day to see if he doesn't have ticks? Didn't she see the bruises he had? Pssh, and SHE is calling me a dummy. _

"_I'm not his girlfriend and I'll never be, Crazy," Sam said annoyed. _

"_How is that? You were kissing him!" _

"_Correction. HE was kissing me." _

"_Don't act like you didn't like it, Puckett," Freddie growled with an eye roll. _

"_Don't use this 'tude with me, Benson!" _

"_I can use this 'tude whenever I feel like it!"_

"_You just didn't retort, did you?" _

"_And what if I did?" _

"_Shut up!"_

"_You shut up!" _

"_Don't talk like that to your girlfriend, Fredward Benson!" No, that wasn't Sam. That was Mrs. Benson. And that's pretty much how it went. Now you get it?_

XXX

"Can you please understand that Sam is not my girlfriend?" Freddie is desperate. Really, really desperate. Why can't he just take advantage of this situation and torture Sam? Oh no! I think like them! No torture, torture is bad!

"She sure acts like one." Mrs. Benson will NEVER understand. They will start dating eventually, so it doesn't matter anyway.

"Look, Mrs. Benson." Is this coming from Sam's mouth? "I'm not dating your son, I was just kidding."

"I know what I saw! I'm not crazy!"

"Yeah sure," the three of us (oh wait, four, even Spencer opens his mouth simultaneously!) mutter under our breath.

**A/N: The reeeaaaally bad pun that Carly said ("_Oh Freddie, you're so sweet! You seriously had to eat some sweets today!") _was created during a convo with Kaitley while I was still in a Carly-mood. You probably know her, it's that awesome chick who writes 'drama stuff' (I think I'm gonna use it really often xD). You know her, you also know her, you know her... you don't? Check her stories, dude! But first of all, review. Yeah, right over there. Scroll down, more, more... There you are! **


	12. Girlfriend

**A/N: Hey hey hey! I know what are you thinking. "This girl doesn't have a life!" Well, until the school year begins, it's pretty much true. Just be grateful that I'm updating and shut up! This chapter is kinda... I don't know, the only thing I knew that was going to be there were snowmen. Voilà, here you go. Anyways, special thanks to my beta samandfreddie38 alias Kai. I don't like this chapter, but whenever I say that, everyone retorts. Well then... enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Nick gave me iCarly, but I said I don't like the episode iSell Penny Tees, they snapped, "Beggars can't look." and took my iCarly back. Damn, it was just a constructive criticism!**

Kai is here! Oh my cute puppy, Kai is here! That's awesome. Did you ever meet her? She's one of the nicest girls ever. Well, she can kick a butt if necessary. That's the only reason why Sam likes her. As she told me before, I'm the only 'daffodil' she can stand. Nice to know.

Kai came to spend her Christmas holiday here. She's staying with Benson's. I know what you are thinking – Freddie and a hot nice girl who's not Sam? I thought that too, but let me explain-

"Carlaaaay!"

"What now, Spencer?"

"I need your help!"

"Of course you do." You'll have to wait, I tell you another time. I know, I wanna tell you desperately, too! Not now. Spencer is trapped in a wrapping paper with snowmen. Snowmen scare the chiz outta him! Someone is scared of spiders, someone of snakes, another one of clowns and Spencer hates snowmen. I have to admit they're pretty creepy. Those evil grins plastered on their pale faces, deep dark eyes staring at you... Brr. Just the thought of them makes me shudder.

"Carlaaaaaaaaaay! Hurry up!"

"Done!" I say as I tear up the last pieces of the wrapping paper. Spencer is such a nub. Did I just say 'nub'? Seems like I did.

"I think I'm gonna go to the market to buy fruits. Or vegetables, whatever.."

"You just wanna see Socko's sister Chiquita who sells it."

"You know me too well." He grabs his jacket and slams the door shut. Now it's the right time to tell you how we met Kai.

XXX

"_Great show, girls," Freddie said as he took care of his tech stuff. Before I could say 'Sam-loves-Freddie', she said, "We know, nub. I think I'm gonna go to pee now or else..." She stormed out of the studio. There was one of those uncomfortable silences. It wasn't because we didn't have anything to say. There was one thing I wanted to talk about. Awkward thing._

"_Freddie? Can I ask you a question? But be honest with me," I bit my lower lip. _

"_Of course."_

"_DoyoulikeSam?" I chattered as fast as I could. _

"_Carly," he gave me the sweetest smile, "of course I like her, she's my friend." Don't be a moron! I narrowed my eyes. I don't know why I asked, I knew the response already. However, I wanted to hear it. I wanted hear Freddie Benson say, 'I love Sam.'_

"_You know what I mean. Do you like like her?" His smile faded. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. _

"_Look, Carls, I-"_

"_Spit it out! No excuses, this is serious, Benson!" You wouldn't expect that coming from me, would you? Yeah? Oh, really? I'm not that bad! _

"_I think I might-"_

"_Heeeeeeey!" A short dark-haired skinny girl appeared out of no where. Great. She was really beautiful. Her chocolate deep eyes framed with black long eyelashes were warm and sparkly. She wore black skinny jeans, loose white tank top with some pattern, red unziped short-sleeved hoodie and converse. Nice. Not my style, but nice. It looked like something Sam would wear. The moment Freddie saw her, his eyes lit up. He ran toward her and gave her a bear hug. They stood there, arms wrapped around each other, talking excitedly. _

"_Kai! You look awesome-" Freddie stopped, "as always!" She doesn't look awesome! Okay, I gotta admit she kinda does. _

"_Oh my gosh, Freddie! I missed you so much!" That talk sounded almost like if they were... you know... couple! _

"_Holy cheese! People! Freddie Benson is hugging a hot girl! Apocalypse is coming!" Sam yelled overdramatically as she returned to the studio. _

"_Haha, funny," Freddie replied with an eye roll (seriously, sometimes I have a feeling that his eyes will pop out of socket), but let go of the hug. "Girls, this is Kai, my-" _

"_We don't care!" Sam retorted annoyed. "The only thing that goes through my mind now is that she's weird enough to touch you." Freddie gave her a look and smirked. You could see how amused he was. I started to laugh. Really, how ironic was Sam's remark? She's the one who "touches" his tongue! Did she just call herself a weirdo? Uh-huh._

"_What'cha laughing at, Carlotta?" Sam eyed me threateningly._

"_You wouldn't understand anyway." I stopped laughing, but a smile was still spreading across my face. "And don't call me Carlotta, you know I hate this nickname."_

"_Kay, Carlotta." _

_XXX_

"_-and then he put a cheese on it!" Kai finished telling her story and we all burst out laughing. Except for Sam. _

"_Buy me another shake, dweeb," she commanded. _

"_I bought you three already!" _

"_Another. Shake." Aww, they are so cute! _

"_No." _

"_C'mon Freddie, buy her a shake! I don't wanna see you beaten up again," Kai pleaded. "Please, for me?" Hey, that's my line! I'm trying to hate that girl, but it's too hard. She's a total sweetheart. _

"_Okay," he gave in. He stood up and yelled, "Hey, T-Bo, Blueberry Blitz!" Before T-Bo could say something, Freddie added, "No food on stick!" _

"_You guys are really nice couple," I said through my clenched teeth. I hated to admit it, but it was true. Didn't Freddie say he doesn't have a girlfriend? Kai wouldn't like to know that he's often making out with the blonde demon over here. _

"_Yeah, we- WHAT?" Freddie cried in surprise. Kai looked at me like if I was an idiot and smiled. _

"_Calm down, Benson. We don't care. That's probably the best girl you'll ever get," Sam snapped. How I love when she's jealous. This was serious business, though. _

"_But- we- I-" Freddie stuttered. _

"_I'm not his girlfriend, I'm his cousin, dummies," Kai said with an eye roll. _

"_I'm not a dummy! Why people keep saying that?" I shouted. "Wait. Cousin?" Eye roll. Similarity. Closeness. I really am a dummy. Sam's lips formed a smile. _

"_I knew that the nub here can't have a girlfriend like you," she said contentedly. _

"_Yeah, he can do much better," Kai smiled and winked. "Seems like a certain blondie is already falling for him." After that, she stood up and left. That was a good decision, Sam would probably cause her serious injuries. And we don't want to call hospital again. Sam punched Freddie in a stomach. Okay, maybe we'll have to anyway._

"_Ow! Sam! What was that for?" Freddie cried in pain. _

"_I couldn't hit your dumb cousin, so I hit you." _

"_How does that make sense?"_

"_Don't you have the same DNA or something?"_

XXX

Sam and Freddie are playing the videogame I bought for them last week. I hope it'll release their anger and they'll keep just making out. It's not so horrible, I got used to it. What would you rather see? Stains of blood on your couch or an insanely cute almost-couple making out somewhere in your apartment? Okay, I have to admit I wouldn't mind the stains of blood, but I'd have to clean them! The door swings open as a short brunette enters the room.

"Kai!" I run towards my friend and hug her. She chuckles.

"Hey Carls." I stop hugging her and she looks at Sam and Freddie. They're still lost in their game. "Nice that they noticed me." I wink at her and give her a bright smile.

"Yeah, but aren't they the cutest couple?" Sam and Freddie immediately stop playing and they're giving me a death glares now.

"Kai!" Sam and Freddie shout simultaneously. They come to give her a hug. Freddie's hug maybe lasts a little too long. I don't blame him, it's his cousin and they have a great relationship.

"Enjoy it, Benson. That's your only opportunity to touch a girl," Sam says with a grin. Oh, irony. Freddie grabs Sam's hand. Aww!

"Now I touched a girl again. Oh sorry, I forgot that you're NOT a girl!" Freddie snaps.

"Oh, so I'm a boy. And you're kinda pansy then."

"Take it back."

"Make me." And there they are, kissing in front of me and Kai. Sam grabbing Freddie's shoulders, Freddie Sam's waist. Oh boy.

"Hello, I'm still here!" Kai places one hand on her hip.

"This is not gonna work. We should get outta here NOW when they still have their clothes on."

**A/N: Anyways, a huge shout out to Kaitley 'cause her awesomeness is blinding! Who cares that she's faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay? We have awesomely (that's a word, we use it everydaily xD) intelligent conversations. You can help us with a 'help your closest hobo' campaign!**


	13. They admit it!

**A/N: Did you saw iLMM? If your answer is yes, then... Oh my fudge. OH. MY. FUDGE! That was awesome! I'm not having a spaz-attack, not at all. Aaaaaah! Dfbufbdfnsa. Okay, maybe a little bit. **

**If your answer is no, then... What'cha waiting for? Move your butt and watch it, baby!**

**This chapter was checked by my awesome beta, samanfreddie38. So if you found some grammar errors, blame her!**

**Disclaimer: And then the electricity went off. I was surrounded by darkness. Dun dun dun duuuuuun. A mystery voice yelled, "You will never own iCarly, never!" "Noooooooo!"**

"Do it!"

"No Spencer!"

"Do it!"

"No!"

"Doooo iiiiiiit!"

"Never!"

"Why are you being so difficult?"

"Why are you being so stupid?"

"Did you say I'm stupid?"

"I did!"

"Take it back!"

"No!" Ugh, fights with Spencer are pointless. He's trying to make me be a part of his plan. I promised I won't meddle into Sam and Freddie's relationship anymore and I'll fulfil it. Which part of 'I won't make Seddie happen' he didn't understand? Sam and Freddie are my friends and I love them, I don't want to hurt their feelings and interfere... again. There's nothing what could make me change my opinion.

"I'll buy you a new PearPhone 4!"

"Oh my gosh, I want a new PearPhone 4!" Spencer smirks triumphantly. "I mean, pssh! Naaah, I don't want a new PearPhone. What's so awesome about the newest technology with an amazing 18 megapixels camera- uh, NO!" I won't do it, Spencer! Stop trying. I won't fall for a simple trick like that.

"Carly, please!"

"I'm not gonna tell Freddie that I like him!"

"And do you?" This is not coming from Spencer's mouth. I turn around to see Freddie's confused face. "You know that I have this tiny crush on Sam, right?" Yeah, I do. Oh, you don't know about this! Yeah, Freddie admitted it. Do you wanna hear the story? Ha, you wanna? Of course you do.

XXX

_Sam and Freddie came to my apartment. Together. At 1 A.M. I wonder where they were? _

"_Oh, hey Carls! We're home," Sam whispered as she sat down on a couch. _

"_I noticed the moment you barged into my apartment in the middle of the night!" I yelled. I was sleeping before they came, but when I heard a loud laughter, it woke me up. Someone was trying to break into our apartment, so I rushed to the living room with a bat to see who it was. And you would never guess who I saw. I didn't know if I was mad because they broke into my apartment or because I was so stupid and didn't see it coming. _

"_Psst, Carly, you'll wake up Spencer," Freddie tried to calm me down. _

"_Where were you? In the middle of the night? Hmmm?" _

"_Sam got bored, randomly showed up in my bedroom and we hung out together," Freddie shrugged. No, that's not weird. _

"_Well, go to Freddie's apartment and sleep there! Or stay here and make your boyfriend leave."_

"_We're not-" they started to explain simultaneously._

"_I know." I sighed and placed my hands on a hips. "So?" Sam gave Freddie a questioning look. They probably had one of their silent conversations. _

"_I'm gonna stay here, of course!" Sam said after a moment. "Why should I sleep in the same room as Fredwardo?" 'CAUSE YOU'RE PROBABLY SLEEPING WITH HIM ANYWAY! _

"_Yeah, that's true. So you're staying. Bye Freddie," I snapped. _

"_Wait-" he tried to say something as I pushed him towards the door. "I- I just- Night Sam!" Those were the last words he said before I slammed the door shut. 'Night Sam.' That was so sweet! No, don't let these feelings get you, Carly, now you have to be serious! I gave Sam a we-have-to-talk look. She eyed me confusedly._

"_I'm a virgin, Carly!" she rattled off. How did she...? _

"_Woah! Okay, I wanted to ask if everything's okay, but I don't think I wanna hear this girl talk," Spencer said sleepily with his eyes closed and returned to his room. I even didn't notice that he came. He's appearing and disappearing like a ninja lately!_

"_So, you're a virgin? Really? That's- it's not that, Sam." _

"_Okay." She seemed terrified. Terrified! Sam Puckett was terrified and I was the reason why. A satisfied smirk spread across my face. _

"_What are you laughing at?" _

"_Nothing. I have to talk with you." _

"_Shoot." _

"_You know, I wanted to ask if... I mean," I played with my fingers nervously, "maybe you are... Uh..."_

"_Spit it out already, will ya?" _

"_Do you like Freddie?" Bad move. She's not gonna answer it, of course. She's been trying to deny it since-_

"_No." It's not like I expected her to say something different. But I also didn't expect a simple 'no'. Sam is not this type of person. She'd say, 'Eww! Carly! The nub? Excuse me, I'm gonna puke now," or something of this sort. _

"_C'mon! I know you do, just admit it!" _

"_Okay."_

"_Sam, I know that it's hard for you to admit your feelings, but- WHAT?" Did she really say it? Do my dreams come true? Yay!_

"_Yeah, I might have a tiny crush on him. So?" This was easier than I expected. I smiled widely and hugged her._

"_This is so awesome! You know that he likes you too, right?" I couldn't stop smiling. My friends will be finally together. All they needed was a little push!_

"_Yeah, of course, I like him, he likes me, we'll get married and live happily ever after with our two kids and purple unicorn in a tower over the rainbow!" she sing-sang sarcastically. _

"_He's making out with you, he hangs out with you, he's having fun with you and he cares about you. Say whatever you want, but he likes you! You didn't see how he looks at you?" _

"_Don't try to make me feel better. As I said, it's just a tiny little crush! G'night!" She got up and headed for my bedroom._

"_But Sam-" _

"_I said goodnight!" I have to talk with Freddie. _

_XXX_

"_Hey Carly!" Freddie said as he entered my apartment. "Where's Sam?"_

"_Still sleeping," I gave him the same look as I did the day before to Sam. "We have to talk."_

"_Shoot," he took an apple and started to eat it. Okay, Carly, don't panic. It worked with Sam, it'll also work with him. _

"_Look, be honest with me, please. I won't freak out, I won't overact, I won't say something stupid, although there's a possibility that I may-"_

"_Carly! Just tell me what you have to, will you?" They're really similar, although they don't realize it. I sighed once again and wondered if I should try to say something sophisticated, like, _

"_Do you like Sam?" Well, that wasn't really sophisticated. _

"_No!" he said with his eyes wide open. "Why would I? NEVER! She's Sam! She's aggressive, adorable, and a meat loving demon!" Adorable? Oh yeah, that's one of the worst insults ever! How dare is he to call Sam adorable? Note the sarcasm. I chuckled. _

"_I know you do, I just wanna hear it."_

"_Okay. I like Sam. Happy?" Happier than you think. I giggled and did a little victory dance. He gave me his typical Freddie look which made me stop. _

"_So you do like Sam?" _

"_If I remember, I said so ten seconds ago." _

"_She likes you too," I whispered. I knew that he will probably burst out laughing or snap at me, but I had to try. _

"_Sure, she likes me, I like her and we'll be a happy Benson family! We will have two kids, one blondie and one brunette. I almost forgot about our dog!" I sighed. Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn. _

"_She told me! And you're always making out, hanging out together, you're having fun and care about each other!" He looked at me with a glint of hope in his eyes. He lowered his head and ran his hand through his hair. _

"_It's just a tiny little crush. I have to go." _

"_Freddie, wait-"_

"_Did you heard my mom's whistle? Coming mom!" _

"_She's not home!"_

"_I heard her from the hospital!" And then he left. He left me standing in my living room, confused more than before. Thank you very much._

XXX

"Wait wait wait wait! Hold on!" Spencer makes one of his weirdest grimaces. "You admitted that you like Sam?" Oh. I think I forgot to mention it. Sorta.

"Yeah, I did. I'm surprised that Carly didn't tell you." His eyes are landing on me, his eyebrows raised. Doesn't it hurt have your eyebrows always raised? He'll have a wrinkles at a young age!

"Um, I guess I... Well..." What should I say? 'I didn't want to tell him 'cause he would probably fangirl- uh, fanboy and let know the whole Seddie club'? "I just didn't, okay?"

"Doesn't matter," Spencer says with the most serious face I ever saw on him. "Seddie! No more stains of blood on my couch! No more costs for Band-Aids and bandages!" He paces around the room, sings Happy Day loudly and dances.

"I was the one who always had to clean the stains!" I retort. I mean, he never did anything. And he didn't pay the Band-Aid and bandages, our dad sends us money!

"But it's my couch!"

"It's our couch!"

"Don't give me that attitude, I'm still your guardian." He points his index finger at me.

"You sure don't act like one!"

"Nyeeeeh! But Seddie is happening and you can't deny it."

"Not yet. Freddie is too dumb to make a move."

"Hello, I'm still here!" Freddie tries to catch our attention. Why is he interrupting us? We're having an important conversation! Doesn't he see that we need a privacy now?

"Shut up, this has nothing to do with you."

**A/N: Giving a shout out or dedicate a chapter to someone became my ritual, so... I guess I'll mention almostinsane 'cause he reviews every chapter, he's a geek and somewhat turned into my wife. Review people! I can't give you iCarly for a review, but I can give you another virtual bunny. I have a loads of them now... and they like meat too much. Human meat. **


	14. Why girls like a bad boys?

**A/N: Ahoy! Wanna know something? There was just one grammar error in this chapter. JUST ONE! Do you hear me? Yeah, one! My English teacher would be proud of me. She never made me do anything in her lessons. This one is for you, Mrs. P! (Sorry, I still didn't find my textbook.) Oh, I almost forgot. Thanks to my beta samandfreddie38! Kai, are you aware of the fact that there'll come a time when I won't need you to help me, right? Just sayin'.**

**Disclaimer: Look, I have a colorful lollipop! And it's called iCarly! No, I won't say it. No. NO! Fiiiine, I don't own iCarly. Happy?**

Freddie wants to give in! I know, that's horrible, right? He thinks that Sam doesn't like him. Of course, that's the reason why is he the only boy she ever kissed. Well, I'm not sure if she kissed Pete. She never told me after the... accident. I think she didn't manage to kiss him before she broke his ribs for calling her 'extremely cute'. I wish you could see my eye roll now, I learned to do it, too! Look, look. See? No? Oh sorry, I forgot.

"Freddie, just tell her you like her!" I try to convince him for a hundredth time today.

"No! She will break my bones! ALL my bones!"

"She won't! She likes you."

"That's the reason why is she killing me? Nice." Freddie rolls his eyes. Ugh... I read some fanfictions where I wanted to persuade Sam and Freddie to date without telling them they like each other 'cause I promised I won't do it. Darn the promises! If it was that simple, they would be dating yet!

"Just ask her out!"

"No! She has to realize that she likes me before I ask her."

"Do you consider me a liar? She told me she likes you already!"

"Okay, let's say she likes me. What now? Do you think she'll say yes if I ask her out?"

"Well..." I'm not sure. Probably not, but I can't tell him. She's scared of her feelings and doesn't want to show them. Hmm, maybe she would punch him... or slap him... or kick him... or smack his-

"CARLY!" Freddie yells at me.

"Huh?"

"I said your name five times before you woke up!"

"I'm up!"

"Yeah, sure. Anyway, I was saying that Sam might-"

"Hey peepz! What's shakin'?" Not now, Sam... Poor Freddie. He's trying so hard. The last time he tried to impress her... Um, it didn't work. It was a disaster, to be more accurate.

XXX

"_I have a date with Brad!" I announced as I entered my apartment. Spencer was working on- something. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow (what is he trying now? Become a Freddie?). _

"_Doesn't he have a girlfriend? Not that it matters, he's not good enough for you anyway."_

"_No, they're not exclusive," I said matter-of-factly. "And why is he not good enough for me? You say that with every boy I date!" _

"_Because no boy is good for you! You should stay single!" _

"_Spencer?" _

"_Yeah?" he eyed me suspiciously. I don't blame him, he knew that a 'but' is coming. _

"_You have a new girlfriend every week!" _

"_That's different!"_

"_How so?" _

"_I'm a man!" Ugh, this wasn't going anywhere. Like trying to convince him that beavecoon doesn't exist. I went to the studio to see Sam already sitting on a beanbag and eating ham. Typical. _

"_Hey Hammy Sammy!" I said and giggled. She obviously didn't think it's funny and glared at me. I AM FUNNY!_

"_Sup Cupcake?" she asked lazily. She probably didn't care what is up with me, she was deep in thought. Do you wanna hear it again? Yeah! Sam Puckett was deep in thought. Shocker, right? I chose to not ask her what is her issue. She wouldn't tell me anyway. She talks with me about her problems only when she feels like it and now it's not the time._

"_Good. Or great! I have a date with Brad," I smiled sheepishly._

"_Wow Carls! That's awesome! He's just- never mind."_

"_What?"_

"_You know... he's cute and everything, but kind of- dorky? Nerdy? Geeky? Yeah, that's probably it."_

"_Yeah, but-"_

"_Hey girls!" Freddie entered the studio with a huge grin plastered on his face. He didn't even notice me, his eyes immediately land up on Sam. I swear, as Sam looked at him, her eyes lit up. I saw it with both my eyes! I couldn't help but 'awwed'. This woke up the lovebirds of trance. Freddie shook his head. "What's up?" _

"_I was talking with Sam about my date with Brad."_

"_Great! Brad is a cool guy."_

"_Cool? Since when is being a nerd cool?" Sam snapped. Freddie gave her a look which screamed, 'Seriously?' and she just shrugged. I didn't know what is happening between them, but it seemed that they understand each other perfectly. _

"_It's not like Sam doesn't like nerds anyway." I shouldn't have say that, right?_

"_Don't be stupid, Carly!" she rolled her eyes. I'm not stupid! Don't call me stupid! No one will call me stupid 'cause I'm not stupid! And I'm not overusing the word stupid, you stupid! "I'm more into bad boys. It's hot." Huh? Freddie wasn't really enthusiastic about it. He didn't take his eyes off her, but his expression changed multiple times. From disappointment to pain. And that's how it stayed, he was hurt. He mumbled something and left._

"_Sam!" I shouted at her._

"_Carly!" Why am I even trying?_

_XXX_

"_Where's the dork?" Sam asked angrily. "He was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago!" _

"_Sam, you came just three minutes ago."_

"_Yeah, but I'm always late for a rehearsal! He's standing behind your door til five to be here punctually!"_

"_Hey ladies!" _

"_Oh, Freddie, we- woah!" This boy standing in front of us wasn't Freddie. Well, it was Freddie, but not the one we knew before. His hair wasn't perfectly combed, it was a mess. But a hot mess, might I add. He wore a black ripped skinny jeans, white v-neck shirt, denim vest and converse. Did I say he was hot? His hands slipped into pockets and he gave us a slight smile. I stopped staring at him to prevent me from drooling over him. I mean, this is Freddie! I just... uh... Can't I consider my friend hot? _

_I looked at Sam to see her reaction. Her eyes were wide open, full of confusion. Okay, I was confused, too, but where's the lust? She said she's into bad boys! Uh-oh. Freddie did this for her, didn't he? We stayed in silence for a moment before I broke it. _

"_Um, we should start the rehearsal."_

"_What's the matter with you?" Sam asked Freddie ignoring me. He raised an eyebrow (at least something is still the same), but kept his cool expression._

"_Absolutely nothing." _

"_Just look at you!" _

"_What? Do I have something on my face?" he grinned. His deep voice was so sexy... Man! I'm daydreaming about FREDDIE! Call a mental hospital, quickly!_

"_Your hair! Is that an attempt to hide your nasty face?" I chuckled and watched the two dummies. I sat on a beanbag. Popcorn would be nice now._

"_I just changed a few things. Anyway, I came to tell you I can't make it today." He turned around and stared to leave, but Sam caught his wrist._

"_Where are you going? The nerds think you're cool now?"_

"_None of your business." Sam watched him leave, dumbfounded. She stood there trying to process what did just happen. _

"_He's doing that because of you," she whispered softly. At first I thought she will cry, but then she burst out laughing. "That dork thinks he has a chance with you! That's ridiculous!" _

"_Sam, he did it for you! Isn't kinda suspicious how you said you like bad boys and he acts like one the next day? Hmm, what a mystery!" _

"_I just reminded him of Griffin. He probably thought that if you'll like him more than Brad, you could give him a chance." She was still laughing as she wiped her tears of laughter (or not) off. _

"_You're so stupid! Freddie doesn't like me!" Sam stopped laughing. Her face was drop-dead serious now._

"_You should date him, Carly. I know you don't love him, but he's trying so hard since sixth grade and you could give it a try. Maybe you develop feelings for him." Wow, she must really love him. I'm sure it's killing her inside, but she wants just the best for him. Then she cracked up again. "I can't believe I had you there! I wouldn't tell you to date a nub! Rule number one, never date a dork!" Maybe she doesn't love him that much._

_XXX_

"_Freddie?" He was lying on his bed. That's what he calls 'being busy' and the reason why he couldn't make it? _

"_Hmm?" He didn't even look up. He stared at his ceiling thinking. _

"_You shouldn't change for someone. If she doesn't like you the way you are, she's not worth it. But she does like you. She likes the tech-geek, her little nerd, you know?" Freddie glanced at me. "I didn't tell her back then when she had a crush on Pete, I think I just liked the idea of Sam being girly too much." I smiled as I remembered the day I told Sam to pretend that Freddie is the boy she likes. Oh, the irony. "But you don't have to change, she doesn't want you to change."_

"_Watching Love Cliffs too much?" he smirked. _

"_It's a meaningful show! Spencer watches it, too!"_

"_Proving my point." I sighed. _

"_She'll tell you eventually." _

"_What?" _

"_That she thinks you're a hot nerd. And even though you're a geek, dork, nub, nitwit, dipthong, Fredweird-"_

"_Hello, I'm still here! Maybe you should get to the point."  
>"There's no point, I just wanted to know how it feels to insult you."<em>

XXX

"Hey Sam!" Freddie smiles widely. She gives him a smile, too. Are we having a smiling contest? I'm in! He winks at me and goes towards her. What is he up to do? "I was thinking... Maybe you would like to go out?" Aww! It's happening people, watch out! Sam doesn't seem happy. Why she doesn't seem happy?

"Ow!" Freddie cries in pain. Did she really punch him or was it my imagination? "You could just say no!" Yeah, she punched him. And kicked him. At the same time. Ow.

"No one will try to pull a prank on momma," she points her index finger on him. "I'm not that gullible."

**A/N: There you go! Shout out to iBloodbenderSeddie 'cause her plan how to get rid of all the boys is awesome. And we have in common more than we would like to. **

**Anyway, review! For Gibbaaaaah! (He'll come in the next chapter, so stay tuned.)**


	15. Don't lick her

**A/N: Okay, this is the longest chapter I ever wrote. I couldn't stop! It should have been waaay longer, but I was too... busy, and I don't wanna bore you to death. Anyway, I get less and less reviews, so I guess you're tired of my story yet xD Okay, chapter 16 or 17 will be the last and maybe I'll write an epilogue, okay? **

**You know my awesome beta samandfreddie38, so what's the point of repeating it again?**

**Disclaimer: "Dan?" "Yeah?" "I love you." "Aww, thanks!" "And I love iCarly, can I get it?" "No!" "Aww, okay. Can I get your super cute bunny Cupcake?" "NO!" So if you're wondering if I own iCarly or the world's cutest bunny, here's the answer. **

Freddie and Sam went on a date! They deny it, but it WAS a date and I stand my ground.

"Where's Spencer?" Gibby asks as he enters our apartment.

"SPENCER!" I shout. Spencer immediately comes running. "There he is."

"Oh hey kiddo!" Spencer smiles. "Glad you came!"

"Do you have my liquid soap?" Gibby eyes him suspiciously. Okay, what's going on? 'Glad you came'? And a liquid soap? Well, the liquid soap makes sense.

"Of course. So will ya help me?"

"First of all, I wanna see the liquid soap. Or you might betray me like someone else I know," he sent me a death glare. It wasn't my fault! Who believes that a horse can be a pet anyway? Okay, maybe it was my fault, but we will talk about that later. Spencer showed him a bag full of liquid soap. "Okay, how can I help?"

"You'll make Sam and Freddie realize how much they like each other. You will throw subtle hints like, 'You're an adorable couple!' and blah blah blah. Can you do it?" Gibby already did something to make Seddie happen...

"Uh, Gibbah?" Gibby says in a 'duh' tone and points his thumbs at himself. "But I have one condition." Condition? Uh, Gibbah?

"You'll feed me with pudding."

"Ah, sure, it's in the fridge."

"No, I mean FEED me, you'll do it."

"Okay?"

"While rubbing my feet."

"O- How can I feed you and rub your feet at the same time?"

"I don't know, you want the impossible to happen!"

"Seddie is not impossible!"

"Yeah, my uncle said that parachuting without a parachute isn't imposible either. He was right, it's not impossible, but it can kill people."

"Seddie doesn't kill people! The worst what could happen would be if it killed you!"

"Sam will probably rip my head off."

"Yeah."

"Let's do it!" Oh Gibby... But Spencer was right, Seddie is not impossible. As I said, they were on a date! And I got Gibby and Brad to help me see it. Oh, life is sweet when you have an adorable boyfriend who would do everything for you...

XXX

"_Guess what, guys?" I asked excitedly. I had a brilliant plan and I was sure it was gonna work. My plans always work! _

"_Hmm?" Sam didn't took her eyes of her PearPhone. She was texting someone. Freddie just looked up and waited for me to continue. _

"_We're gonna go to the fatcake factory!" Freddie's eyes widened in surprise and a huge smile appeared on his face. And Sam? I think she passed out, came around, giggled, started to scream, passed out again, came around, kissed Freddie, calmed down, wiped 'the dork' off her face and punched him for kissing her. I'm not sure, though. Maybe she just passed out, woke up, started to scream, laughed, then giggled- oh, you don't care? Okay, I was just trying to be accurate!_

"_This is so awesome, Carly! I love you! I love you! How did you do it?" Sam shrieked as she hugged me. _

"_They want us to do an iCarly webisode there," I smiled proudly. "And then we're going to Pini's, we'll eat there for free!" _

"_Pini's?" Freddie raised an eyebrow. "The fancy restaurant with amazing ribs?" _

"_Yup." Sam started to dance and you could see how excited she was. I knew it would work. _

_XXX_

"_Why are you sitting nervously on a couch bitting your nails and looking at your wrist despite the fact you don't have a watch?" Spencer asked matter-of-factly with a blank expression. What is he talking about? I took a glance on my wrist to check what time it was. Oh look, I don't have a watch. _

"_I'm waiting for my boyfriend to come." _

"_You have a boyfriend? Who is it? Gibby?"_

"_Oh man! No, eww! Gibby's cute and nice, but he's kind of... weird. And he has a girlfriend, doesn't he?" _

"_Gibby's fun! And he has magical hands," Spencer said slowly in a dreamy tone. Uh, excuse me. WHAT?_

"_Huh?" I questioned with a disgusted look. _

"_Gibby does great massages!" Oh. Suddenly the front door swung open and Brad with Gibby came in. _

"_Hey sweetie," Brad smiled and planted a small soft kiss on my lips. It wasn't enough for me, so I pulled him into another kiss, this time a little bit more passionate. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and my knees were immediately like jello. I'm not cheesy, I just love him, okay? We would kiss some more if SOMEONE didn't rudely interrupt us. _

"_Hello, I'm still here! Find a room!" Spencer yelled. His eyes widened in realization. "Or better not. No room, Carly Shay! Do you understand?" _

"_Yeah," I laughed. Spencer is sometimes worse than Mrs. Benson. Well, maybe not. He sighed in relief and left to do whatever he does when he's not sculpting. _

"_So, what'cha want, Carly?" Gibby asked somewhat normally. _

"_You'll help me watch Sam and Freddie's date." Brad grimaced. I looked at Gibby to see what he thinks about it. He was shaking with Spencer's giant plastic gummy bear... Um, should I involve him in my plan? _

"_Date? Sam and Freddie? I know they have chemistry and they would be a cute couple, but they won't go to a date voluntarily," Brad shook his head and placed his arms on my waist. _

"_Well, maybe it won't be exactly voluntarily and they won't exactly know that it's a date," I bit my lower lip. _

"_Carly!" Brad cried. "This is suicidal! They'll kill us!" _

"_Nah! Gibby, what you think about it?" He looked up and stopped sucking the gummy bear (sucking?). _

"_This is the worst gummy bear I ever ate." _

"_No! What you think about Sam and Freddie going on a date without knowing!" _

"_Date? WHAT? No, no, no, no. That's insane! Insane! Oh my gosh, they'll kill us. Oh my, oh my. No!"_

"_Giddy up your horses," Brad rolled his eyes in annoyance, but chuckled slightly. _

"_Horses?" Gibby looked around the room. "Where? Do you mean Sam and Freddie's horse? Can I feed him?"_

"_Gibby! There's no hor-" I thought about it for a second and then I added. "Of course you can feed Sam and Freddie's horse. If you help us with my plan." _

"_I'm in!"_

_XXX_

"_Is everything set up?" I asked Brad. _

"_Yeah," he nodded. "Gibby installed the cameras in Pini's as I told him and I'm prepared to film today's iCarly. Are you ready?" _

"_I hope." I leaned in to kiss him, but I heard Sam and Freddie's voice. I panicked and started to pace around the room. "What should I do again?" _

"_Pretend you're sleeping!"_

"_Alright." I laid on my bed and closed my eyes exactly in time. Freddie and Sam entered the room without knocking (of course) and continued with their fight. _

"_I could do that!" Sam yelled. _

"_No, you couldn't!" Freddie retorted. I wondered what they were discussing again._

"_I could!"_

"_Sam! Admit it! You couldn't beat up Jackson Colt!" Oh boy..._

"_I could if I wanted!"_

"_Shut up!" This voice was Brad's. "Carly is sleeping, she's sick." I pretended to wake up and look sleepily. _

"_Freddie? Sam?" I coughed. I put my horrendous make-up before to look more ill. I was even paler than usual, and that's saying something. _

"_Are you okay?" Sam asked with concern in her voice. _

"_Yeah, I think," I paused and sneezed, "I'm okay." _

"_Carly, you're sick! You can't go anywhere!" Freddie groaned. "We have to skip today's iCarly and reschedule our fatcake factory visit to another day."_

"_No!" I shouted and sat up. Sam and Freddie gave me a confused look. "I mean, you can't reschedule it, you have to do it today." _

"_We can't do iCarly without you!" Sam cried desperately. _

"_You can, Brad will film it and you will be a co-host for today, Freddie." I realized that I speak 'too healthy' and coughed again. _

"_Carly..."  
>"You'll do it!" I shouted. Freddie and Sam got scared by my sudden outburst.<em>

"_Okay, calm down!" _

_XXX_

_I switched on my laptop and put on iCarly. They were just starting. I noticed their fancy clothes which they were forced to wear ("You can't go to Pini's in jeans!"). Sam wore a nice green strapless dress and gold sandals. Her blonde hair was straightened and she had a gold pin with a butterfly in it. It was nice and girly, and I even didn't have to threaten her to tell everyone that Freddie was her first kiss! Freddie wore a red checkered shirt, dark jeans and black tie. Classy. _

_Camera was on already, but Sam and Freddie obviously didn't know._

"_Sam? You have a fatcake here," he pointed at her nose. Of course Sam stole some fatcakes when they got there. Typical. _

"_Where?" she said and tried to wipe it off, she was nowhere close to the fatcake cream, though._

"_Wait," Freddie wiped it off and licked his finger. "There." _

"_You just licked cream off my nose!" Sam laughed. _

"_I could lick it directly from your nose, so shut up," he smiled. _

"_You know I would kill you if you did that, right?" _

"_You tried to kill me multiple times and how many times did you succeed? Yeah right, never." _

"_That doesn't mean I can't-"_

"_Guys?" Brad's voice interrupted them. "You know that the camera is on, right?" Their eyes widened in realization. They looked at each other, then to the camera and again at each other. What came next, you ask? Laugh. They laughed like idiots for nearly two minutes._

"_Hey, I'm Sam and the dork right here is Fredlicker!" Sam said between laughs. _

"_Freddie," he corrected her, but had a goofy smile on his face. He must love her more than I thought._

"_And this is iCarly!" they said simultaneously. They spread their arms, so they almost hugged each other. Sam moved away the moment she realized what are they doing. _

"_This time without Carly," Freddie pouted and Sam clicked the 'aww' button. "But don't worry!" he added. "I'll try to be half as awesome and funny as Carly is!" He smiled as Sam rolled her eyes. _

"_And we all know that it's not gonna happen!" _

_They did some sketches, Sam teased Freddie, he was smirking the whole time and it was one of the most popular iCarly webisodes ever. What can I say? Love is in the air (or on screen). People loved it! They must adore Seddie, don't they? _

_I called Brad to make him leave. He was supposed to pretend that I need something from him and leave Sam and Freddie alone. It was a quick call, they immediately bought it. I switched on the smart cams in Pini's and waited for Sam and Freddie to come. After a while, Brad came to my apartment._

"_Hi cutie," he kissed me on a cheek. "Are they in Pini's yet?" _

"_No." Brad frowned._

"_They should be there already."_

"_But they are not! Are you sure they went there?" I panicked. _

"_Sam said she doesn't care if I'm going or not 'cause she was going to get her meat no matter what." He shrugged and stared at the computer screen disappointed. _

"_They didn't go there!" _

"_Oh no," Brad hissed. "Gibby placed the camera on a wrong place!" I should have seen that coming. Why did I confide in Gibby anyway? He believes that lotion with a chocolate aroma is actually chocolate frosting! _

"_So we're screwed up." _

"_Kinda."_

_XXX_

_I woke up on a couch, my head resting on Brad's chest. He was still sleeping, his hand put loosely around my waist. It was 11 P.M. I didn't want to get up, but I heard voices from the hallway. Sam and Freddie's voices. I walked toward the door and watched the two of them through the peephole. Again, I'M NOT A STALKER, got it? _

"_And how this guy tried to put a potato in his nose!" Freddie cracked up. Sam joined him and laughed like a crazy. _

"_And how he tried to pull it out with a fork!" Freddie laughed even harder, if it was possible. They eventually calmed down. Freddie wiped off the tear of Sam's cheek and rested his hand on her chin. They were staring at each other and it seemed that they can't take they can't stop. Freddie finally looked somewhere else... at Sam's lips. He was leaning slowly. The moment we've been waiting for is here. They're gonna kiss, I know it! But it didn't happen. Sam burst out laughing. Yeah, she burst out laughing. Freddie's face was both confused and sad._

"_What happened?" _

"_When you wiped off my tear, I thought you were gonna lick your finger!" she still laughed. Freddie couldn't help but laugh too. _

"_You're crazy, Sam." _

"_And you love it."  
>"Yeah, I do. And you know what else I love?" Oh, intense moment again! He's gonna say it now! <em>

"_What?" she smiled slightly and bit her lip. _

"_Hmm, I don't know," he smirked. "Maybe..." He started to tickle her. "THIS!" Sam was giggling. Giggling I'm saying!_

"_Freddork! Stop!" She hit him. _

"_Ow!" _

"_That's what I love." Her mischievous grin made Freddie tense up a little. "I should probably go to Carly's already." _

"_Uh, yeah." He ran his hand through his hair. "Well, it was... nice."_

"_Yeah. It was fun." Freddie smiled hopefully. "Try to tell someone and I swear we won't be able to see little Freddies in the future." His smile faded away. _

"_Don't worry. I wouldn't want anyone know that I was on a date with a demon."_

"_It wasn't a date!"_

"_It kind of was."_

"_You wish."_

"_The only thing I wish now is get some sleep."_

"_And momma wishes some fried chicken." Freddie chuckled._

"_Of course you do. Wanna come to my apartment?" _

"_Fredward! It's a first date!" she said jokingly. _

"_Ha, so you admit it was a date!" _

"_It wasn't! Why do you want me to come to your apartment anyway?"_

"_I have fried chicken," he half-smiled and raised an eyebrow. _

"_What'cha waiting for? Take out your keys!"_

XXX

"Hey Carly!" Sam and Freddie come to my apartment together. TOGETHER. I wonder what they did...

"Hey Sam. Where were you?"

"I made Freddifer buy me a smoothie."

"So it was a date," I say dryly.

"No, it wasn't!" they exclaim simultaneously.

"Of course..." I smile kindly to assure them that I believe it. Liars. Liars. LIARS. I wonder if they're not going out yet and hiding it from me.

"Sam? You have a smoothie here," Freddie motions to the corner of her mouth.

"Don't lick it," she laughs. Freddie leans in and plants a kiss on it. Soon they're in a full make out session. Here we go again. Pointless smooching. As they pull away, Sam rolls her eyes and punches him.

"Ow!"

"I told you not to lick it, dork."

**A/N: This chapter had everything. Dating, kissing, laughing, "fighting", insulting, Barly, GIBSTER and gummy bears (that'd be a great name of a band, right? Gibster and The Gummy Bears...). So it had to be awesome! And if you think it really was awesome (or horrible, average, whatever), review! Thanks. **


	16. That was easier than I imagined

**A/N: It's here. The final chapter! Okay, not really, there'll be one more. I know you're already sick of it, but hold on. Just one more chapter and all the torture you went through will be gone! How exciting is this? I wanna thank you all for your reviews, you guys are amazing :) **

**Beta'd by amazing samandfreddie38, of course! **

**Disclaimer: It's been a hard day's night and I've been working like a dog! It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log. But when I get home to you, I find the things that you do, will make me... feel so sad 'cause you're not planning on giving me iCarly, Dan! (I don't own The Beatles either, if you were wondering about it.)**

Ugh, the weekend spent in Yakima was horrible. My grandpa kept babbling about the beauties of his country, how proud he is of being a Yakiman or whatever (would that make me a Yakiwoman?), why Spencer can't stop being a child... I'm glad I'm home again. I open the door to see Sam and Freddie sitting on my couch. They're not making out nor fighting. It's serious. Very serious.

"Why are you two cuddling?" I exclaim dropping my suitcase.

"Nice to see you, too," Sam rolls her eyes. I want to ask her again, but Spencer storms into the living room. He smiles widely and pulls me in a bear hug.

"Carlaaaay!" he shouts. "I'm so happy you're back!" What the fudge? Did he miss me so much? I know I'm awesome and all, but come on, he should learn how to live without me! "It was horrible here without you!" He starts sobbing uncontrollably and I'm not sure if it's funny or... hilarious. "Gibby tried to eat your gummy bear chandelier, Sam and Freddie still made out..." Oh, sure. Wait. My chandelier? My wonderful expensive chandelier? Is it okay? I'm gonna kill Gibby! Or maybe just buy him a pack of gummy bears to satisfy his Gibbah-needs.

"Man up!" Sam retorts. "It wasn't that bad." Wasn't that bad? Gibby tried to eat my chandelier! WAKE UP!

"Wasn't that bad?" You read my mind, Spence. Go on! "I walked in on you in the middle of night when you were on my couch almost completely-" Oh.

"Carly doesn't need to know!" Freddie interrupted desperately. I would want to know under normal circumstances, but the way Spencer said it made me wanna throw up. It almost sounded like he wanted to say... Naaah. That wouldn't happen. On our couch. Would it?

"Carly should know!" Spencer yelled once again.

"What she doesn't know, doesn't hurt," Sam said nonchalantly.

"Hello, I'm still here! You do realize that, right?" I try to break their fight.

"Keep an eye on your little girlfriend, Freddie!" Spencer totally ignores me (as usual). It's not a fight anymore. Sam and Freddie are just smiling and- did Spencer say 'little girlfriend'?

"Excuse me?" I asked incredulously. "A little girlfriend? Oh, puh-lease, Spencer, I thought you know them better."

"Actually..." Freddie rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Surprise!" Sam puts on a fake smile. Is this seriously happening? Are Sam and Freddie, um, dating?

"So I leave you here for two days and you immediately start dating?" Sam and Freddie look guilty.

"Carly, we just-"

"Why it didn't hit me before?" I facepalmed and shook my head. "It had to be uncomfortable to say, 'Hey Sam, I like you!' when I was around, right?" You remember how I said that all they need is a push? Well, seems that all they needed was to get rid off me. I smile and hug them. "Oh guys, I'm so happy for you!"

"You're not mad?" Sam grimaces. I stare at her in awe trying to process what she just said.

"Mad? Why?"

"You know, I thought you may feel like a third wheel now that me and Freddork are a thing," she lowers her head. I can't believe she thinks that. I've been a third wheel since forever. When Sam beats up Freddie, who's the third wheel? Yeah, me. When they insult each other, who's the third wheel? Correct, me. When they make out, who's the third wheel? You got it right! Me! And I wouldn't want it any other way. I start to laugh. Sam eyes me confusedly and Freddie just smirks. He knows what I am thinking, doesn't he?

"Oh Sam," I wipe off an imaginary tear. "How did it happen?"

"Well, long story short, Freddie declared his undying love for me and I decided to date the dork out of pity," Sam says with a grin. I sigh. Did I expect Sam to tell me how it happened? I'm her best friend! I need to know!

"Okay, Freddie, will you tell me?"

"No, thanks," he shifted uncomfortably.

"Please! For your future children?" I pleaded.

"Fine."

"Yay!"

Spencer looks at us in horror, "I think I'm gonna pass. I'm happy for you guys, but there's no need to go through THAT again."

XXX

"_She's gone," Sam said with a blank expression on her face as she sit down on my couch. "She's gone and I'm stuck with you!" _

"_It's just a weekend, Sam!" I yelled at her annoyed. We were together alone for just one minute and forty-three seconds and she already irked me. Did she think that she would eat all the ham and bacon we had and treat me like chiz? She apparently did._

"_I know! Forty-eight hours! How am I gonna survive? Where will I sleep? I think I'm just gonna ask Spencer if I can take his couch even if Carly's not there." I gaped at her. _

"_You used a simple math?" I faked a shock. "I'm so proud of you!" I hugged her and chuckled. I thought it was funny - Sam obviously didn't. She kicked me in... places and smacked my forehead. "Ow! Okay, I get it! No messing with momma!" _

"_Exactly," she gave me a satisfied smirk and threw her legs on my lap. I didn't say anything, she has done it multiple times before. Every time I tried to retort, she threatened to do something worse with her legs. I didn't want even imagine what that could mean. _

"_Do you want to stay here?" I asked politely. _

"_I already am here, Fredward," she rolled her eyes as she picked up the remote and switched on the TV. _

"_I mean, stay here. Like sleep here." I looked at her while rubbing the back of my neck. She eyed me suspiciously and seemed to consider this option. Oh boy, how cute she is when she thinks about something intensely. She always bits her lip in this sexy way and looks at me with these piercing blue eyes which are making me feel dizzy. Oh, how I love her eyes. I like getting lost in-_

XXX

"Fredward, can you just skip the sexual fantasies you're having about me and get to the point?" Sam interrupts him in annoyance, but her smile betrays her. She enjoys the fact that Freddie thinks she's the hottest girl he's ever seen, doesn't she? Of course, who wouldn't. Even I was pleased when Freddie considered me his dream girl. I never had feelings for Freddie, but knowing he's still there for me, knowing that he admires me... it was nice. Oh well, seeing him with Sam is way 'nicer' anyway. Nicer? It's fan-freakin'-tastic!

"Don't pretend you don't have those fantasies about me, too," Freddie laughs. Sam slaps him slightly murmuring, "Pervert," but I know she loves when Freddie teases her. I think she started to like him when he grew a backbone and wasn't afraid of her anymore. Sure, she still loves having a control over him, it's a little different now, though.

"Before you start making out, can Freddie tell the rest of the story?" I ask desperately.

"Oh, sure. So... Where was I? Yeah, okay."

XXX

"_Crazy wouldn't let me stay here anyway," Sam mumbled._

"_What? Did I hear right?" I pretended that I was surprised. "The Sam Puckett would want to stay here if my mother would allow it?" She punched me in the arm. Ugh, do we have a punching contest today? I thought. _

"_Shut up. As I said, Crazy wouldn't let me. She still thinks I'm your girlfriend, remember?" Oh, who would forget. She kept bragging about it. Once I found her crying in the bathroom regarding the photos from my childhood. She said I'm a grown man already and before she knows, I'll have a wife and kids. "She would think I'm gonna... play with you," she added with a devious smirk._

"_Okay, then I have another plan." I raised an eyebrow and gave Sam a half-smile. "MOM!" I shouted. She stormed into the living room with a first-aid kit looking around worriedly. _

"_What happened, Freddie-bear?" She saw me and Sam sitting on the couch and sighed in relief. "Oh, hello Samantha."_

"_Hey," Sam greeted her nonchalantly and shoot her a glare. Jeez, my mom should stop calling Sam 'Samantha' before she rips her head off. _

"_Mom, we're gonna have a sleepover at Carly's today. Don't worry, Spencer's gonna be there." My mom gave me 'the look' which said I'm-worried-about-you-but-I-know-I-should-let-you-anyway-so-I'm-going-to-go-to-pack-up-a-first-aid-kit-and-your-nightlight. _

"_Behave and don't let this Carly girl hurt you," she sighed and left the room, probably to pack up all the stuff I will need (or more likely the stuff I WON'T need). _

"_Crazy doesn't know that Carly's gone?" Sam asked incredulously. I couldn't help but smile a little. She didn't believe in the lying skills of Freddie Benson. Sam, Sam, Sam. I'm better in hiding stuff than you can imagine. _

"_Do you want to have company or what?" _

"_Spencer would be just fine. Or his goldfish. Or his toilet. Whoever, whatever... but you." _

_XXX_

"_I'm taking Carly's bed!" Sam announced the second we entered apartment 8=C. _

"_Oh, hey Sam," Spencer smiled confusedly. Maybe we should have asked him before we barged into his apartment with backpacks and sleeping bags. "Sleepover?" He raised an eyebrow. I nodded slightly waiting for his permission. _

"_Frederly and I are gonna sleep here tonight in Carly's room or in the studio, kay?" It sounded like a statement, not question, however Spencer didn't mind. _

"_Okay, don't have too much fun," he replied slyly. What did he mean? Me and Sam headed for Carly's bedroom. We changed in our PJ's (Sam in a bathroom and I in a bedroom, of course). I decided to stay shirtless because I was hot (I mean, the weather... uh... whatever). Okay, maybe that wasn't my only intention, but you get the idea. _

_Sam returned to the room. She didn't play fair either. I know you would probably stop me, Carls, so let's just skip that. Can I at least mention her shorts and low-cut tank top? No? Ah, okay. _

"_Too hot, aren't we?" Sam raised her eyebrows and shot me the most seductive smile I ever saw. Maybe it wasn't supposed to be so sexy, but you know, me being a hormonal teenage boy... _

"_Oh yeah, you are," I said totally dumbfounded. "I- I- I meant... um, yeah it's very hot." Did I have to act like an idiot? Don't say anything, Sam. _

"_Let's watch a movie," she pretended she didn't hear my remark. That was very un-Sam, but I decided to ignore it. "Carly has here," she picked up a DVD which was lying on a table, "Seventeen Again. I brought Saw. What do you wanna watch?" _

"_Let's see. We can watch a bloody murderous torture or a random guy with a saw. I'm going with the second option." Maybe Sam thought I'd be scared to death, but Saw isn't terrifying. My mom is a nurse, she makes me watch way more disgusting things including blood and cutting. She was surprised by my choice. _

"_Living room or studio?" _

"_Living room."_

_XXX_

_Sam's head was resting in my lap. I watched her sleeping figure and couldn't help but smile. She seemed so innocent. I was stroking her hair and my other hand was placed on her hip. She's so cute when she sleeps. Well, she's always cute. Just look at her! The way she moves- okay, I get it, no more unnecessary information. _

"_That's. So. Booooring," Sam yawned. I jerked a little. I thought she was already asleep!_

"_Uh- um, y- yeah," I stuttered nervously. I realized the position we were in and shifted uncomfortably. Not that it really was uncomfortable. Sam sat up and stretched her arms. _

"_Turn off the TV and entertain me, Freduccini." She snuggled closer to me and closed her precious eyes. I don't know what I was thinking, but the adrenaline took control over me. I stared at her for a moment before I leaned slowly. How could something so wrong feel so right? I placed a soft kiss on her lips. Just a quick kiss, nothing more. She opened her eyes and the look of confusion in her eyes was clearly visible. _

"_What was that?" she whispered. "We weren't fighting and you kissed me? That's not the part of our deal, nub." I didn't know what to say. There was no way back. I did the only thing which made sense – I kissed her again. Much to my surprise, she returned it. Not only returned it, she was almost more into it than I was. I took her waist and pulled her closer. She placed her hands on my shoulders and sat on my lap, so her thighs were touching my hips. She slipped her tongue into my mouth, but I broke the kiss. _

"_What now, Benson?" she groaned. _

"_I don't want us to be like that, Sam. Just randomly make out and pretend to hate each other." She rolled her eyes and planted a small kiss on my lips._

"_Okay, we're dating now. Can we continue?" She started to kiss me again, but I pulled away quickly. _

"_Benson!" _

"_Was it seriously so easy?" I couldn't believe it. It took hundreds make out sessions, thousands dreams about her and millions of fights to make this happen. Now I was sitting there with my dream girl in my lap and she was desperate to kiss me senseless. It didn't make sense, but I couldn't care less._

"_Shut up and kiss me, dork." _

XXX

"Oh my god," I exhale. "I made so much effort to hook you up and you even didn't need it." I sigh. "I wanted to see that happen." Did I want so much? I was spying on them every single minute they spent together and then I leave for TWO freakin' days and they start dating. That's so unfair! "Oh wait! I think I still have the cameras installed all over this apartment!" I scream in excitement. Sam and Freddie (or should I say Seddie? Yay!) are observing me cautiously.

"Cameras?" Freddie questions. Think up of something, Shay, hurry up!

"Um, I-" Yeah, you're doing great. "I- security cameras! Yes, that's it!" I pointed my index finger at him and did a little victory dance.

"So you were stalking on us?" Sam asks amusedly. Oh-kaaay, so I'm not the best liar in the world.

"You didn't tell me what were you doing when Spencer walked in on you," I try to change the subject quickly. Sam shoots me a glare and Freddie blushes.

"Well, you see-" Freddie begins, but he's interrupted by Spencer who runs up to me with a banjo.

"Look! I found it!" he says excitedly and plays a weird melody on it.

"Yeah, yeah, great," I wave him off and turn back to Seddie (it feels so good to say it) again. "Where were we?"

"You were gonna go upstairs, unpack your stuff and text Brad," Sam says in a convincing tone. I sigh in defeat and head for my bedroom. I probably don't want to know what were they doing anyway.

"Feel free to leave whenever you want to do 'the things' again."

**A/N: If you wonder what were Sam and Freddie doing, don't ask me, I don't know either. Oh, silly me, I'm the author, I know! Okay, maybe I have an idea... and it's not as perverted as it seems, okay? I forgot to give a shoutout in the last chapter, so... mortalimortality totally deserves it. Her photo should be in a dictionary under the word "hilarious". **


	17. She's exactly like you

**A/N: And the last chapter is here. Aww, don't cry! Oh, you're crying for joy... Um, moving on. So, I could write a cliché epilogue, right? But noooo, I decided to write something (probably) totally disappointing! Hope you'll like it anyway. Oh, and just so you know, I think I'm gonna start a new story called 'How I Met Your Mother' soon. Yepperoni, Sam and Freddie's kids have to know how their parents met, right?**

**And yeah, could you please leave a review even if you didn't ever before? Just a simple ''I read it.'' or ''La la la, look! Butterfly!'' I'd like to know how much people read it til the end :)**

**Who's my awesome beta? Do you know my awesome beta? Do you? Yup, samandfreddie38, that's her! **

"She's so cute," I coo as I watch the little girl with curly strawberry blonde hair playing with bunch of other kids. She reminds me of Sam in so many ways. For example, now she's trying to steal the little dark-haired boys' ball. He shakes his head, which means she will show him to the ground soon. Ha, she did! I must be a psychic. No one can deny the fact that she's a Puckett.

"I know," Sam laughs. "Exactly like me."

"Hey girls," Freddie smiles at us and gives Sam a peck on cheek.

"What kind of greeting was that, nub?" she smirks and forces his lips to hers. "That's what I call a greeting." Freddie rolls his eyes but smiles anyway and sits on a bench next to Sam.

"You know, that wasn't a part of our deal, Sammy," he cocks an eyebrow and smiles at her.

"Our deal failed the day you decided that attacking my face and kissing the live outta me is okay." Freddie chuckles as he remembers that day. I would love to remember it, too, but I can't. Why? I wasn't there! And I couldn't even watch it later, Freddie deleted all the recordings from my cameras. Stupid Fred... jerk.

"It was killing me! I wanted to kiss you so badly and I couldn't because of this stupid deal." They never told me about their deal. To be honest, I never asked. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. But what could happen if I ask now? They're together since- forever!

"Guys? What was the point of the deal anyway?"

"Oh, well, we were fighting a lot before, right?" Sam asks and I simply nod. "So we decided to make your life easier and kiss whenever we got into fight. I thought that a hard punch would be better, but Freddie said that it wouldn't make you really happy. He had some point there. It happened after the fatcake accident, remember?" So... they were trying to not make me go crazy by making me going crazy? That's really awesome. It worked so well, guys! My therapist whom I had to visit every week said so, too!

"You. Two. You almost gave me a heart-attack multiple times! I will kill you! KILL YOU! You kept making out and- wait, why didn't you just kiss normally? You MADE OUT. You could just kiss each other... I don't know, softly. And sometimes you were kissing even when I wasn't there." Freddie laughs nervously as Sam bits her lip. She lowers her head and giggles. There's an awkward silence until Sam breaks it.

"Hey Jade, look who came!" Jade immediately turns around. The moment she sees Freddie sitting here with us, she breaks into a run toward him. He stands up and spreads his arms.

"Nub!" she yells as she approaches him. He picks her up and hugs her. She giggles and refuses to let him go. I never saw something more adorable than that. The only mental image which could equal this situation is Sam holding Jade when she was a baby. I still remember the day when this little angel was born.

XXX

"_Freeeeedwaaaaard!" Sam yelled. She was laying on the couch watching some stupid TV show. I never understood what's so appealing about 5'0" japan guys trying to slap each other with a plastic hand. Freddie was sitting at the kitchen counter, working on something for iCarly. _

"_I'm riiiiight heeeeereeee!" he shouted at the same tone as Sam did. I found it really cute how those two acted... now. Sometimes they could be the cutest couple ever, sometimes they were plainly annoying and I had to repeat in my head, 'Control, Carly. Bad thoughts lead to bad actions.' _

"_Make me a sammich! With extra ham and mustard and onion and lettuce and mayo and-"_

"_No!" _

"_Do it."_

"_Nuh-uh."_

"_Dooo it!" _

"_Make it yourself!" _

"_I could, but I'm too lazy and tired to stand up." _

"_Fine," Freddie lowered his head and headed for kitchen. I chuckled. You might think it was because of their little convo which they had right now, but no. I pictured Freddie's face when Sam beats him up – we were out of ham. Freddie opened the fridge and searched... searched... His eyes widened in realization. _

"_Sam?" Freddie called her cautiously. "I think Carly's out of-"_

"_Groovy Smoothie anyone?" I interrupted him quickly. I don't enjoy seeing my friends beaten up! And I cleaned the floor two hours ago... Sam looked at me with her 'Are you paying?' smile. "Sure," I sighed. Freddie breathed a sigh of relief and gave a grateful smile. Yeah, yeah, smile all you want, you're gonna pay me for all her smoothies later. _

_XXX_

"_Bacon is not better than soap," I shook my head. _

"_Carly, you will never understand. Bacon changes you!" Sam smiled. Freddie looks at her dreamily like a puppy in love. Well, the 'in love' part is genuine. _

"_What do you think, Freddie?" He snapped out of his trance and blinked a few times. _

"_Um? What? Uh... I'm with Sam." Sam smiled in satisfaction. _

"_And what about you, Gibster?" she asked nonchalantly. Gibby? When did he appear here? Oh look, he's sitting next to me! I guess I was to caught up in watching Sam and Freddie being all lovey-dovey. If you can call a girl punching and kissing her boyfriend 'lovey-dovey'. _

"_Depends if it's a liquid soap or bar soap. Nothing is better than liquid soap," Gibby says matter-of-factly. People thought that he would grow up of his weirdness. He never did... But it's nothing in comparison with Sam who's still trying to pour water over him to prove to us that he's a mermaid. _

"_Who gave the shirtless potato a right to talk?" Sam snapped. _

"_You did!" Gibby retorted. Charles, you should know that retorting to Sam isn't the best idea. She might- Oh yeah, she just did a weird thing to his thumb. It's probably broken. I didn't expect any less. _

"_I'm gonna go pee," Sam announced. _

"_Yeah, thanks for letting us know," Freddie rolled his eyes. "We couldn't live without this information."_

"_You're lucky that my bladder has a size of an M&M, or you'd be dead now." She left and we talked about random jumbo mumbo you don't have to know about. The important moment came when she ran out of bathroom and yelled at Freddie, "To the hospital! Now!" _

_XXX _

_We were sitting in a waiting room, desperate, tired and worried. Spencer was making weird sounds with his mouth, Gibby was eating a cake that ladies from Spencer's book club made and Freddie didn't move a muscle. He was sitting there with a blank expression. I was really sleepy yet, so I leaned on Spencer's shoulder and tried to fall asleep. A few minutes later a nurse came. _

"_Are you relatives of Mrs. Puckett?" she asked. _

"_Yeah, yeah, can we see her and the baby?" Freddie snapped. _

"_Of course." The nurse led us to the room. Sam and her mom were talking and laughing. _

"_Hello, Mrs. Puckett," I greeted politely. "Where's the baby? Is it a girl or boy?" Freddie and Sam made a bet. Sam was convinced that it will be a girl and Freddie kept telling her that it'll be a boy. I don't think I ever learned what the loser had to do. _

"_Jade's right here," Mrs. Puckett replied. "In the crib." She pointed at a small hospital crib. _

"_It is a girl, dork!" Sam laughed in Freddie's face. "You know what you have to do, right?" Freddie sighed and nodded. I would listen their conversation, but the moment I saw Jade, I couldn't take my eyes of her. She was so beautiful. Of course, she was a baby, but she had an adult charm. She was sleeping, so her eyes were closed, but I could see that they were big. Her long eyelashes made her seem even more angelic and those pinky cheekbones! If I didn't coo, my head would explode. _

"_She's wonderful," I sighed with a smile. Jade suddenly opened her eyes. She didn't cry like most babies would, she just stared at me with her amazing blue eyes. Sam carefully took her of the crib and briefly kissed her forehead. She gazed at her lovingly. That was a moment I will never forget. I saw Sam wearing this expression just three times in her life. One, when she tasted Gallini's pie for the first time. Two, when Freddie asked her to go with him to the first date. And now._

"_Hey, little thing," she whispered. "Don't expect your big sister to be this mushy all the time, okay?"_

XXX

"So how is my little sister-in-law doing, hmm?" Freddie asks as he puts Jade down on his lap.

"Good, nub!" I can't help but laugh. Nub was Jade's first word, no kidding. Sam kept repeating it three months all day until Jade said it. Mrs. Puckett wasn't very pleased, especially because Sam promised her that Jade's second word will be 'momma'. I don't know if 'dork' sounds somewhat similar to 'momma', but Sam probably does.

"Jeez, you shouldn't spend so much time with your sister. You just learned how to speak and you already insult me?" Jade giggles and hugs Freddie again. Boy, Pucketts really have a thing for Freddie, don't they?

"You know you love me," she smacks his forehead. Sam must have trained this kid, I can't explain it any other way. Freddie laughs and pulls Jade closer to him.

"How did your mom get one of these? I want one of these!" Sam smiles at him and shakes her head.

"That's the power of Pucketts. Maybe you'll be lucky and get a little cutie pie from momma one day," she gives him an evil grin. The grin which is both creepy and sexy in it's own way. No, I'm not a perv, I was quoting Freddie now. Really! "Well, not sure if our baby could be so cute. Your face might totally screw it up." Freddie grimaces.

"You didn't seem to think that I was that disgusting yesterday."

"Don't push your luck."

"C'mon, let's get married. I wanna have kids. Like now."

"Not gonna happen," Sam smirks. "You said you wanna get married after college. Sooorry."

"Stupid me." Freddie leans to kiss Sam, but Jade interrupts them.

"Hello, I'm still here!" Oh yeah, that's my girl!

**A/N: Do you REALLY think that Jade is Sam and Freddie's kid at the beggining? Pssh, that wouldn't be me if I made you happy! I guess you could tell that Sam is not the pregnant one when I wrote that Freddie was sitting in a waiting room. He would be with her if she was giving a birth, don't you think? **

**Oh my god, I want to thank all the people who ever reviewed, alerted or favorited. What can I say? 25,310 hits, 8, 672 visitors (WOW!), 82 favs, 85 alerts and 210 reviews! Not bad for a first story EVER, right? And because you ALL deserve a shout out... man, that's gonna be a long list. **

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